Huang Family Newsletter, May 2012

 The kids are finishing up their school years and will spend most of their summer at the Y.  Jada is excited to be in 2nd grade in the fall.  Aaron starts kindergarten, but we don’t know where yet, because we’re wait-listed at our neighborhood school (you may have heard about the long lines) and the district hasn’t assigned him to a school yet.  Amy’s slogging through a hard job admirably and holding down many chores on the home front.  Lee started teaching his consulting class at Fels, had a final presentation at work in North Carolina, and is juggling many projects.  For fun, we went to Longwood Gardens, took a peek at the new Barnes Foundation museum and Sister Cities Park downtown, and attended a Memorial Day parade with Amy’s parents in New Jersey.  Jada finished her ballet class and performed fantastically at her recital.  Aaron is getting the hang of baseball and enjoys his teammates and the games.

Smoothie to the Rescue

I may have some good dad traits, but - you can ask Amy or the kids - splurging isn't one of them.  But when it's 90+ degrees and I've schlepped the kids across town to Aaron's baseball practice (an ordeal made longer by a long delay on the subway after which we gave up, got out, and walked the rest of the way to our bus stop), a very large strawberry smoothie is in order.  Conveniently, our transfer from bus to subway on the way home took us a block away from a Cosi.  Sure, we got home a little later than usual and I'm five dollars lighter in the pocket, but I think this was a good move.  Two smiley faces (and a couple of sips for me, too) suggested so.

Memorable Memorial

Amy's parents suggested we bring the kids over for the Memorial Day parade in their town.  We dropped them off and then headed to Lowes to buy stuff for our garden and then have a drink at McDonald's.  Thankfully, we kids had a great time at the parade and were very well-behaved with their grandparents.

Afterwards, the kids stuffed their faces with burgers and dogs, ran around under the sprinklers, and got a whole piece of pie for dessert.  They fell happily asleep in the car ride home.  Life's good.

New Sights Downtown

 After hitting the Y yesterday morning, we made a beeline for my boss’ house in Spring Garden to pick up some hand-me-downs.  With the new Barnes museum opening up to the public the same day and just four blocks away, I couldn’t resist dragging the kids along.

 

It was an easy downhill walk from Spring Garden Street to Callowhill Street and the new Barnes.  Free tickets were all given out so we couldn’t go inside, but we snapped a few photos around the exterior.  Nice building, with some great photo opps, although I missed where the “front door” was so it’s a negative for me when you can't figure out where the main entrance and photo opp are.

From there, we decided to check out the new Sister Cities Park, just outside Cathedral Basilica of Saints Peter and Paul.  A fun and calming patch of grass, walkways, and a splashy area with rocks to climb on.  Two thumbs up from my junior explorers, who enjoyed meandering around. 

We concluded our foray on the Parkway by hitting the Free Library.  We quickly scored a combined 14 books and happily lugged them up the hill back to our car, and were home well before lunchtime.  Nothing like having a Saturday afternoon ahead with nothing to do except look at new books.

The National Bank of Dad is Now Open for Business

Jada's been pestering me for an allowance.   There's lots of stuff she wants to buy, and she's quickly realized we're not going to buy it for her, so she wants to take matters into her own hands.  Well, I suppose it's time.  The National Bank of Dad is now open for business.

I was exposed to money management at an early age, and perhaps not coincidentally, ended up learning accounting in high school, winning a national competition in FBLA, majoring in accounting in college, and using spreadsheets for a living.  I'm not necessarily hoping Jada will follow in my footsteps, but I do think that learning how money works, how to keep track of it, and how to choose between spending it, saving it, and giving it away are important life lessons.  So this weekend, we're initiating an allowance for her.  

On my bus ride home last night, I jotted down some thoughts which I then typed up at home and will go over with Jada tomorrow.  I welcome your feedback.  A few notes:

(1) Note the interest rate.  On an annual basis, that's an interest rate of 14,100%!  Let's see the banks match that.  And yet it will likely not induce additional savings on Jada's part.  

(2) We're not doing hard cash in jars.  Everything's on paper.  That's how the world works, that's what she's going to learn.  

(3) While we will use the opportunity to teach about the importance of saving and giving, how the money gets used will be solely up to Jada.  It's the only way to learn.

 ***

Jada’s Allowance Rules

Things I Will Learn From Having an Allowance

·        How money works

·        How to keep track of my money

·        How to choose between spending, saving, and giving away

Ways I Can Make or Lose Money

·        Plus 10 cents for each weekend chore I do

·        Minus 10 cents for each weekend chore I do not do

·        Plus 1 dollar bonus if I do every single weekend chore

·        Plus 10 cents each day I put away all of my things when I come home

·        Minus 10 cents each day I don’t put away all of my things when I come home

·        Plus 1 dollar bonus if I put away all of my things when I come home for the whole week

·        Plus 1 dollar bonus each week if I do my ledger right

·        Plus more money for extra chores that Mommy and Daddy give me

·        Plus more money if I find it or if someone gives it to me

Things I Have to Do to Keep Track of My Money

·        Daddy will give me a ledger

·        I have to keep track of money coming in and money going out

·        I am allowed to use a calculator

Earning Interest

·        At the end of every week, after I have recorded my money coming in and my money going out, I will earn interest on the money I have

·        Interest will equal 10 percent of the money I have

·        Daddy will show me how to figure out how much interest I have earned

Weekend Whirlwind

The past two weekends have seen a confluence of many extra-curricular activities in the Huang family, which have made for a full schedule:

3 baseball games
1 ballet recital
1 trip to Longwood Gardens
2 grad school classes
1 Sunday School class
2 grocery runs
2 trips to the Y
3 meals with Amy's parents
1 birthday party in New Jersey
1 run to Home Depot

Whew!  This coming weekend, not only do we have 50 percent more weekend (thanks to Memorial Day), but we have no baseball games, no grad school classes, and ballet is over.  So we are looking forward to having some real down time.

Run for Your Life

The four of us will be running in a race next month to raise money for Jada's school.  Amy did the 5-K this year but is still battling a foot injury so will run the 1-mile with Aaron.  Jada and I did the 1-mile last year and are graduating to the 5-K.  So this past Sunday morning, I took the whole family on a 1-mile run, and the goal is to creep up the mileage from there, so that by the race day Jada will have worked up some stamina.

The 1-miler on Sunday morning was a little bumpy: Jada lost interest and walked a bit, and Aaron took turns sprinting out, racing back, and complaining.  But by the second half of the run, we had found our stride and even had enough in the tank to step up the pace on the last block home. 

I recall fondly my parents taking my sister and me to the local community college track to run laps, and it would be neat if our family created the same routines as well.  After all, what's better than a nice jog with everyone together on a beautiful weekend morning?

Betsy, Walt, Walt, Ben

Chauffeuring the kids yesterday literally had me criss-crossing the region. We started by dropping Jada off at a birthday party in Cherry Hill. We doubled back into Philly, hitting Home Depot for some garden supplies before popping over to Aaron's baseball game at a nearby field in South Philly. Then we went back to Cherry Hill to get Jada. All told, we crossed the Betsy Ross, Walt Whitman, Walt Whitman, and Ben Franklin bridges on our journey. My head still hurts.

Beaming Grandparents

 Amy's parents spent much of the day with us yesterday, doting over their beloved grandkids.  While I was at class, they accompanied Amy and the kids to Aaron's baseball game and cheered him on.  And then in the late afternoon, we walked over to the dance studio in our neighborhood and were treated to a recital, of which Jada's class' performances were the grand finale.  Many photos and videos were taken; after all, Jada and Aaron have another set of adoring grandparents, who live in California and want to be able to partake in every second and image.

The Diet of Worms

Remember in grade school when you got to take turns taking your class pet home for the weekend?  Well, we had our first such experience . . . with Aaron's class' silkworms (see photo).  I arrived at his school to bring him home and he was holding the box of them eagerly.  I waited bemusedly for an explanation from him, but he had nothing to say.  Finally, his teacher said he had asked to take them home, and would it be OK?  I looked over at the doe-eyed boy and saw eagerness and responsibility, so I said yes.  (Plus, what was going to do, say no?)  Apparently, silkworms eat mulberry leaves, so let's hope we see some in our travels this weekend, because I have no idea what else we will feed them.

Making the Most of Summers

Several years ago, I wrote a blog post on my other blog about summers in college, and how I thought diversification was a good practice.  That is, out of three summers (between freshman and sophomore years, sophomore and junior years, and junior and senior years), you should try to make sure that you mix things up.  You should live at home one summer, in the city of your school one summer, and abroad one summer; and you should do white collar work one summer, blue collar work one summer, and missions or civic work one summer. 

Because I am an INTJ, I have always enjoyed these kinds of planning exercises.  Now that I’m a dad, I get to think about these things for my kids, as well.  Hopefully not in a controlling way, but in guiding way, in terms of helping them think about how they can make the most of their opportunities and their time.  I hope they will follow my advice about summers in college, and it strikes me that my proposed diversification strategy applies to their high school summers as well, although the time periods may be condensed: they should aim to spend a portion of one summer in another city and a portion of one summer abroad, and they should divvy their summers up between white collar work, blue collar work, and missions or social work. 

While I’m on the subject of my kids and their summers, let me record one more thing here, more for my own note-taking than for telling others.  Aaron and Jada are getting to the age where we can think more outside the box when it comes to summer travel.  Heretofore, we have had three weeks of travel per year: a week in San Jose over the holidays, a week in San Jose during the summer, and a week at the Shore or the Poconos during the summer.  But, starting next summer and running all the way until Jada gets into high school (i.e. six or seven summers’ worth), we might want to try doing some or all of the following:

1.       National parks
2.       Disneyland or Disneyworld
3.       Another big city
4.       China and/or Taiwan
5.       Some other country

Do other parents have any thoughts on good places to go, and good ages to go to those places? 

Getting Better and Better at Baseball

The kid is getting better each week at baseball.  Baseball isn't a very easy game to pick up, as neither the rules nor the actions are intuitive for little kids (unlike, say, soccer or basketball, which can be started up almost immediately).  So it's been rewarding to see Aaron look more comfortable with each passing practice and game.  And, he's a cutie, too. 

Mother's Day Weekend at Longwood Gardens

Crazy start to our Mother's Day weekend. I raced from grocery store to breakfast to Y to home to school, just in time to teach my first class at Penn. I dismissed a little later than I wanted to, my bus home got caught in Penn graduation traffic, and then we hit all sorts of traffic to Longwood Gardens, where we were meeting Amy's family. They were merciful about us being 30+ minutes late; they just got a head start on the sight-seeing, and then we joined in once we arrived. It was a beautiful day to take in the sights and smells. I am seriously thinking of becoming a member there, it's just such a wonderful place to walk around. And there are just enough fun things for the kids to do - climb a tree, putter around child-friendly areas, or just run around on the wide open grassy areas - that they have a blast too. Lots of great photos were taken before my camera phone battery died. Here are some of them. Enjoy! And Happy Mother's Day to all those moms out there, including my own!

Lee's Diner and Amy's Fluff 'n' Fold

Amy and I had each other cracking up earlier this week.  She came down the stairs with a full hamper of laundry while, apron already on, was doling out breakfast and packing lunches.  I said something to the effect of Lee's diner already humming along, with the usual two crotchety customers.  She zinged back with something about Amy's fluff 'n' fold also being at it already. 
 
We spent the rest of the morning following through on our respective faux businesses, escalating the absurdity of our accents and words (and likely offending half of the population if anyone had secretly recorded us) while our children looked on with bemusement.  They say humor is what gets you through, and we had a good dose of it that morning.

First Crush

As we were walking home earlier this week, Jada announced  to me, matter-of-factly, that she had a crush on a boy and the boy had a crush on her.  It took awhile for this to register, as my mind was still racing from the day's events at work and I was simultaneously trying to follow something Aaron was saying.  But eventually I asked, "What does having a crush mean?"  She said it means being in love. 

"And what does being in love mean?" 

"You know, getting married." 

Wow.  I went from walking my little girl home from 1st grade to finding out she has a crush to finding out she is in love to finding out she is thinking of getting married.  I tried to stay calm.

She proceeded to tell me the boy's name, that his crush on her was bigger than her crush on him, and that he had kissed her on the head during science class, where they get to sit next to each other.  I asked her if she blushed, and, after I explained to her what blushing meant, she said yes and also blushed.  I asked her if getting kissed on the head made her happy and she said it did and then she blushed some more.  Too cute.

Who knows what she really means and feels about crushes, love, and getting married.  I thought it was all adorable, as did Amy when we went over all of it at home.  And I take it as healthy that she likes boys and boys like her, and that she is excited to tell her mommy and daddy all about it. 

At the same time, I have to admit I was conflicted.  Even as we were walking home and I was delighting in Jada being so happy, I looked over at my hand that was not holding her hand.  That hand was holding a magazine, and, without noticing, over the course of our conversation I had balled the magazine up tightly and was squeezing the life out of it.  I took that to mean that while I'm happy for Jada, my "dad as protector of his little girl" part had subconsciously kicked in.  No doubt Jada's crushes, present and future, will have to sweat things out with me at some point. 

Gain from Loss

I'm at an age at which many of my friends have had children or are having children.  It is a time marked by the sharing of cherished moments.  What greater joy is there in announcing that you are expecting, or in reveling in something cute that has been done by the apple of your eye?

The thing about joy is that it is never quite complete until you share it with others and invite them into your happiness.  It is one of life's great treasures, to rejoice in others' rejoicing, and to have others rejoice in your rejoicing.  I do my share of both sharing my joys and rejoicing in others'.

But I must admit that these joys are tinged with bittersweetness.  Adoption brings its own share of joys, from marveling at God's intricate plan in connecting you to someone so special to seeing that someone special blossom right before your eyes.  I would not trade our path to parenthood, or our two kids, for anything in the world.

But that does not mean there is not real loss and real mourning in what we have not and cannot experience.  If you have had a child biologically, consider all of these treasured things that you have experienced that adoptive parents have not:

1. The intimacy of the pregnancy stage
2. The blessed moment of the baby's arrival  
3. The closeness of breastfeeding
4. Seeing yourself and/or your spouse in your child's physical features
5. Seeing yourself and/or your spouse in your child's mannerisms and temperament
6. Seeing yourself and/or your spouse in your child's interests and abilities

Not to mention, in our case, not getting to meet our kids until age 7 1/2 months and age 4 1/2 months, respectively.  How many memories, photos, and Facebook shares are contained in these experiences and in those time frames, which we have not had access to, and never will.

Though our lives are full, that does not mean they are not without some emptiness.  This too is a blessing from God, for blessing from God is not always about abundance and provision, but sometimes about emptiness and loss.  We may question and even rage, but we are stilled by the fact that, were we to somehow be able to rewrite our life story, we could not make it better than what God Himself has willed for our lives.  That is a precious, precious truth.

Doubleheader

Big baseball bonanza of a weekend last weekend.  Picture Day plus two games, one on each day.  Amy's dad came down and took Aaron and me to Picture Day and then to his first game, while Amy and Jada stayed home and made ice cream.  Sunday, we headed straight from church to Aaron's second game via trolley and subway, and Jada passed the time by toggling between the playground (when Aaron's team was in the field) and the bleachers (to cheer on Aaron when his team was at bat).  He's getting better each time, as are his teammates, so that's fun to watch.  Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go soak my feet: my dogs are barking from lugging his baseball bag everywhere these past two days.  Enjoy these pics, and there should videos over at my YouTube page as well.