A Sense of Identity

 

 

For all the challenges and delays Asher has had to go through in his life, I'm pleased to see he is developmentally on point in terms of his self-awareness of being Black in America. When we discuss historical topics or current events that relate to Black people, he now identifies that those are things that relate to him. Which means that when they involve mistreatment and injustice, he feels that personally rather than distantly.

Unfortunately, he himself has suffered taunting and cruelty for being Black, especially when we are in less diverse parts of the country. I suspect that, however painful and unfair those experiences have been, they have been a part of his understanding that he is Black, that that is something different than his siblings and parents, and that it often means being vulnerable to things that the rest of us are not subject to.

I do not get a sense that he is pained for or ashamed of being Black.. More so that it is simply a fact of life if not a point of pride in terms of it being an immediately obvious aspect of how he is perceived in the world. 

Amy and I have been chosen, in every sense of the word, to parent Asher into adulthood, and our tack on these issues is generally to be supportive, affirming, and empathetic. The thing about childhood, to say nothing about layering on race issues and being adopted, is that as your kids get older their understanding of themselves and how they move about the world gets more sophisticated. Parents start by literally spoon-feeding their kids, but as those kids grow up it's less about spelling things out and more about coming alongside. I am heartened that this phase of parenting Asher involves walking with him as he discovers and grows into his identity as a Black person in America.