Origin Story

 

A thing about being an adoptive parent, three times over, is going through a childhood-long process of helping your child understand what it means to have been adopted. As a person of faith, it's important for me that there is a spiritual layer to our journey in becoming a family. 

What this means for 9-year-old Asher, at a time when he is becoming more curious about things like identity and self-worth and culture, is that I want him to understand that his birth mother literally chose us to be his parents, that we made a conscious choice to be available to be chosen, and that above all God acted with intention to make this all possible.

The other day, I explored one aspect of this with Asher, which is that there was a big gap between Aaron and Jada (adopted in 2005 and 2007) and him (adopted in 2015). As Asher listened in with wonder, I recounted how we thought we were done after his two siblings, and even gave away the crib each of them had slept in. 

Ah, but God tapped us on the shoulder and said to keep our hearts and lives open to one more. And to be more specific, He tapped on Amy's shoulder first, who then talked to me about it and asked me to think and pray on it, after which God tapped on my shoulder. And that nudge became a process and that process became Asher.

I also told Asher that we thought there was going to be another adoption, a little sibling for Asher and another Black life for him to grow up with, but that sadly for us that didn't happen. But, in ways that we sometimes can't understand, God opens and closes doors and we are content with the result even if it hurts.

In the years to come, there will be other questions and conversations and crises and celebrations. Such is the roller coaster that is adoptive parenting. I feel richly blessed to journey with each of our children in this way.