Chores Over the Years

 

Amy and I bought our house in March 2000, when we were in our mid-twenties. I can still remember closing on the sale, celebrating at a nearby restaurant, and then breaking out in a cold sweat realizing I was personally responsible for an entire residential structure.

I'm not handy now, and I was even less handy back then. My two responses to this - gaining a new responsibility and having no idea how to handle it - were to study up, and to put myself on a schedule. Meaning I dug into "Dummies" books and "how-to" sites online, on things you need to do as a homeowner. And then I created a calendar for when those things needed to be done. I figured that I couldn't always prevent problems, but that it was worth it for me to invest an ounce of prevention since I was sure I wasn't ready to bear the pound of cure if I didn't.

These chores have become part of the regular rhythm of a given year. I clean every window and door in the house in April and October, turn off the outside water spigot once winter hits, and install room air conditioning units prior to the first hot spell of the year (because we don't have central air). Twice a year, I go all the way up to the roof of the house to see if our water sealant is holding up and our gutters are clean. Once a year, I check every circuit breaker in our panel. And so on and so forth.

Not the sort of fun activity one imagines when the weekend beckons. But it's the responsible thing to do if you're a homeowner, so as not to neglect the very place you are living and raising a family.

Over the years, I've been able to outsource some of this to the kids. For example, in their teen years, Aaron and Jada have at times owed me money and worked off that debt by taking on various things around the house that I would've otherwise had to do myself.

Ah, but presently they are both far from home for months on end. And one day, they (and, several years later, even Asher) will be out of the nest for good. And Amy and I remain, and we're now longer in our mid-twenties. So not only do meaningful chunks of time each weekend need to go into house maintenance, but I add to that time allocation by making sure I stretch before and after, especially my creaky back if I have to do things like hold the vacuum nozzle in weird places or hoist a broom up the stairs and onto the 2nd floor porch roof. 

I am lucky to have a roof over my head, luckier still that I own it. And, the aches and pains of middle age are also something to be thankful for, that I've gotten this far in life. This old house and this old guy are indeed getting older together, and while I wish for easier weekends I am thankful for the ones I do have.

Celebrating the Brotherhood of Fatherhood

 

Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there. Isn't fatherhood truly the best? Through all the hard work, heartache, and so many bills (why are kids so expensive?), there's nothing more rewarding or fulfilling.

A big bonus is being part of a great brotherhood of dads, with whom we can share joys and sorrows, laughter and tears. I am grateful for the older men in my life who have been through all the stages of their kids' lives and who I can seek out for counsel and sympathy. I am grateful for dads my age as we do this big part of our lives together in lockstep. And I am grateful for younger dads in my life who bring me back to the unique experience that is parenting really tiny kids (without my having to endure the sleepless nights that go with it).

Happy Father's Day to you all!

Pre-Teen Asher

 

 

Parenting Asher has kept Amy and me, now in our 50s, on our toes. COVID, neuro-divergence, and behavioral issues have made every stage of life and just about every day a bit of an adventure with a lot of noise and not a lot of serenity.

And now we usher in a particularly tumultuous phase of any kid's life, which is the pre-teen years. Which for Asher has meant the typical behavior of one growing from being a kid to being a young adult with all the hormones and social complexity that comes with it.

By choice and by necessity, our parenting style has tended to be more hands-off. Helicoptering or snowplowing, or whatever you want to call it nowadays, is certainly understandable: we care for our kids and we want to do right by them. But oftentimes, doing right by your kids means letting them struggle a little on their own, and that is certainly the case the older they get.

And so for Asher that has mean giving him freedoms he didn't have but one year ago, to go out with friends without our supervision, for example. But it doesn't mean total and unadulterated license to do whatever he wants. Which is where that famous pre-teen rage comes in. 

Even though he's our third child, I still have to remind myself to hold my tongue when he lashes out at us for never giving him any latitude, since the accusation seems so untrue given just how much leeway we have allowed him. I need to remember that this too is part of normal child development at this age, always pushing and stretching and testing.

We will certainly set hard boundaries when appropriate. You don't let your three-year-old near a hot stove, just like you do need to override your 11-year-old's desires to stay up too late or eat like crap or shirk homework/chores or talk disrespectfully. So when Asher pushes, we sometimes need to push back; when he desires to roam free, we need to hold the line.

Fighting all the time is tiring for Amy and me, and we're not as young as we were when Jada and Aaron were going through this. But fight we must, remembering that this too is normal and this too will pass, and ever negotiating (amongst ourselves and with him) when to bend and when to not break.

Shout Out to All the Dads Who Make Dadding Look Easy When It's Actually Hard

 

 

Since as long as they can remember, my kids have sat in the back seat while I drive them somewhere. We're weaving in and out of various conversation topics while eating snacks and singing along to whatever's on the radio like it's no thing. So naturally, now that the older kids drive, they've assumed driving is the easiest thing in the world...until they each gotten into crashes almost immediately after they got their licenses.

The previous paragraph is not about driving.

My older kids do have their licenses, but they have literally not gotten behind the wheel since, so thankfully no crashes. Maybe they never will ever drive in their lives? Between making life choices to live in big cities or driverless technology becomes mainstream. At any rate, the beginning of this post is not meant to introduce a long discourse about cars.

But, let me say one more thing about driving, which is that, like all other activities we learn, over time the brain forms connections in our head, such that a very complex set of tasks can be done over and over again without exertion. Riding a bicycle, hitting a golf ball, tying a tie: these too are things we can do without thinking, because once the body-brain connection has been made, we no longer need to think, we can just do.

And think about just how complex the act of driving is. I mean, you are driving a two-ton steel box at 75+ miles per hour, surrounded by other steel boxes of various sizes weaving in and out, some controlled by people distracted by their phone or fumbling for a french fry or tired from a long work shift. Sometimes the road is slick from rain, the sun is in your eyes, or somebody lost a cardboard box up ahead of you. Every time we hit the road, we are putting life and limb on the line, given the thousands of variables we must navigate in order to navigate our way from Point A to Point B. 

I recall when I was trying to teach our older kids to drive, one of the lessons involved me narrating everything I was thinking while I was driving. They were overwhelmed by the sheer complexity of commentary coming out of my mouth while I was doing something that from their perspective seemed effortless. Turns out Dad wasn't just cruising down the highway, he was also monitoring speed, fuel levels, and turns and bumps in the road. As well as the ever-changing characteristics of all the cars around us: which were close and where they were in relation to us, which were going faster or slower, who looked potentially shaky and needed to be monitored, and so on.

So, finally, several paragraphs in, let me get to the point of today's post, which is to wish an early Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there who make dadding look easy when it's actually hard. (I'm posting this now because I'll be out of town for the next 11 days.)

And, make no mistake: dadding is hard. Whether you are a single dad, divorcee, stay-at-home dad, or husband to a working wife, or dad who is the sole breadwinner of your family, being a dad carries a set of responsibilities and expectations that is similarly complex like driving is. On the road of life, conditions are not always ideal, those around you threaten to swerve or crash into you, and you're not always at your sharpest. Your "vehicle" gets some miles on it and starts falling apart at the worst time, who you're chauffeuring and where you're taking them is ever shifting, and should you safely get everyone from Point A to Point B there's no tip at the end and usually no acknowledgement of gratitude and admiration for accomplishing it. Sounds like driving! But dadding is harder, because it involves even more variables and greater variation and higher stakes. And yet dads must bear the weight of society's expectations and family's needs, and make it happen day in and day out, season after season, life phase after life phase.

Like driving, dadding can look easy from the back seat. I assure you, it is not. And so I tip my hat to my fellow dads every day but especially today in anticipation of Father's Day. I see the diligence by which you carry the heavy burden of fatherhood, and the muscle memory you've built up over time to be able to do it with grace and ease. Happy Father's Day to you!

Travel Log: Point Pleasant Beach NJ, May 2026 + Jim Thorpe PA, May 2026 + Ocean City NJ, June 2026

 

Destination: Point Pleasant Beach NJ 

Date: May 10, 2026

Party: 3 (Lee, Amy, Asher)

Itinerary:

Drive to book store in Manasquan

Drive to Jenkinson's Boardwalk for food, arcade, and obstacle course

Spending:

Transportation $126

Accommodations $0 (day trip)

Food $14

Entertainment $39

Total $179

 

 

Destination: Jim Thorpe PA

Date: May 26, 2026

Party: 1

Itinerary:

Drive to Hideaway Hills for golf

Shop at Country Junction

Hike at Lehigh Gorge State Park

Walk downtown Jim Thorpe

Take Lehigh Gorge Scenic Railway

Spending:

Transportation $138 + tolls

Accommodations $0 (day trip)

Food $0

Entertainment $80

Total $218 + tolls

Destination: Ocean City NJ

Date: June 2, 2026

Party: 1

 

Itinerary:

Drive to and bike on Atlantic County Bikeway

Golf at Green Tree Golf Course

Lunch at Umi Buffet

Hike at Corson's Inlet State Park and Crook Horn Nature Trail

Visit Ocean City Historical Museum

Buy sticky buns at Mallon's

Bike/walk Ocean City downtown and boardwalk

Spending:

Transportation $109 + tolls

Accommodations $0 (day trip)

Food $44

Entertainment $32

Total $185 + tolls

 

Travel Log: Hershey PA, May 2026

 

 

Destination: Hershey PA

Date: May 23-25, 2026

Party: 2 (Lee, Asher)

Itinerary:

Day 1 

Visit Spring Valley Y

Eat at Manor Buffet

Visit Bird in Hand Farmer's Market

Check into Red Carpet Inn

Day 2 

Strasburg Rail Road

Visit Lampeter-Strasburg YMCA

Go to Turkey Hill Experience

Check into Mainstay Suites Grantville Hershey North

Go to Sheetz for dinner

Day 3

Go to Chocolate World for Build Your Own Candy Bar

Drive home

Spending:

Transportation $170 + tolls

Accommodations $169

Food $138

Entertainment $177

Total $654 + tolls

Gotcha Aaron

 

 

June 9 is the day we celebrate Aaron's "Gotcha Day," because it is the day he arrived in Philadelphia and was brought to the family home, completing a long journey from Taiwan via California in which he was accompanied by my parents, and then by Amy and her mom. Aaron is growing into a fine young man with good character and a full life. We continue to journey with him and give thanks for his coming into our lives. Happy Gotcha Day, Aaron!