Pre-Teen Asher

 

 

Parenting Asher has kept Amy and me, now in our 50s, on our toes. COVID, neuro-divergence, and behavioral issues have made every stage of life and just about every day a bit of an adventure with a lot of noise and not a lot of serenity.

And now we usher in a particularly tumultuous phase of any kid's life, which is the pre-teen years. Which for Asher has meant the typical behavior of one growing from being a kid to being a young adult with all the hormones and social complexity that comes with it.

By choice and by necessity, our parenting style has tended to be more hands-off. Helicoptering or snowplowing, or whatever you want to call it nowadays, is certainly understandable: we care for our kids and we want to do right by them. But oftentimes, doing right by your kids means letting them struggle a little on their own, and that is certainly the case the older they get.

And so for Asher that has mean giving him freedoms he didn't have but one year ago, to go out with friends without our supervision, for example. But it doesn't mean total and unadulterated license to do whatever he wants. Which is where that famous pre-teen rage comes in. 

Even though he's our third child, I still have to remind myself to hold my tongue when he lashes out at us for never giving him any latitude, since the accusation seems so untrue given just how much leeway we have allowed him. I need to remember that this too is part of normal child development at this age, always pushing and stretching and testing.

We will certainly set hard boundaries when appropriate. You don't let your three-year-old near a hot stove, just like you do need to override your 11-year-old's desires to stay up too late or eat like crap or shirk homework/chores or talk disrespectfully. So when Asher pushes, we sometimes need to push back; when he desires to roam free, we need to hold the line.

Fighting all the time is tiring for Amy and me, and we're not as young as we were when Jada and Aaron were going through this. But fight we must, remembering that this too is normal and this too will pass, and ever negotiating (amongst ourselves and with him) when to bend and when to not break.

Shout Out to All the Dads Who Make Dadding Look Easy When It's Actually Hard

 

 

Since as long as they can remember, my kids have sat in the back seat while I drive them somewhere. We're weaving in and out of various conversation topics while eating snacks and singing along to whatever's on the radio like it's no thing. So naturally, now that the older kids drive, they've assumed driving is the easiest thing in the world...until they each gotten into crashes almost immediately after they got their licenses.

The previous paragraph is not about driving.

My older kids do have their licenses, but they have literally not gotten behind the wheel since, so thankfully no crashes. Maybe they never will ever drive in their lives? Between making life choices to live in big cities or driverless technology becomes mainstream. At any rate, the beginning of this post is not meant to introduce a long discourse about cars.

But, let me say one more thing about driving, which is that, like all other activities we learn, over time the brain forms connections in our head, such that a very complex set of tasks can be done over and over again without exertion. Riding a bicycle, hitting a golf ball, tying a tie: these too are things we can do without thinking, because once the body-brain connection has been made, we no longer need to think, we can just do.

And think about just how complex the act of driving is. I mean, you are driving a two-ton steel box at 75+ miles per hour, surrounded by other steel boxes of various sizes weaving in and out, some controlled by people distracted by their phone or fumbling for a french fry or tired from a long work shift. Sometimes the road is slick from rain, the sun is in your eyes, or somebody lost a cardboard box up ahead of you. Every time we hit the road, we are putting life and limb on the line, given the thousands of variables we must navigate in order to navigate our way from Point A to Point B. 

I recall when I was trying to teach our older kids to drive, one of the lessons involved me narrating everything I was thinking while I was driving. They were overwhelmed by the sheer complexity of commentary coming out of my mouth while I was doing something that from their perspective seemed effortless. Turns out Dad wasn't just cruising down the highway, he was also monitoring speed, fuel levels, and turns and bumps in the road. As well as the ever-changing characteristics of all the cars around us: which were close and where they were in relation to us, which were going faster or slower, who looked potentially shaky and needed to be monitored, and so on.

So, finally, several paragraphs in, let me get to the point of today's post, which is to wish an early Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there who make dadding look easy when it's actually hard. (I'm posting this now because I'll be out of town for the next 11 days.)

And, make no mistake: dadding is hard. Whether you are a single dad, divorcee, stay-at-home dad, or husband to a working wife, or dad who is the sole breadwinner of your family, being a dad carries a set of responsibilities and expectations that is similarly complex like driving is. On the road of life, conditions are not always ideal, those around you threaten to swerve or crash into you, and you're not always at your sharpest. Your "vehicle" gets some miles on it and starts falling apart at the worst time, who you're chauffeuring and where you're taking them is ever shifting, and should you safely get everyone from Point A to Point B there's no tip at the end and usually no acknowledgement of gratitude and admiration for accomplishing it. Sounds like driving! But dadding is harder, because it involves even more variables and greater variation and higher stakes. And yet dads must bear the weight of society's expectations and family's needs, and make it happen day in and day out, season after season, life phase after life phase.

Like driving, dadding can look easy from the back seat. I assure you, it is not. And so I tip my hat to my fellow dads every day but especially today in anticipation of Father's Day. I see the diligence by which you carry the heavy burden of fatherhood, and the muscle memory you've built up over time to be able to do it with grace and ease. Happy Father's Day to you!

Travel Log: Point Pleasant Beach NJ, May 2026 + Jim Thorpe PA, May 2026 + Ocean City NJ, June 2026

 

Destination: Point Pleasant Beach NJ 

Date: May 10, 2026

Party: 3 (Lee, Amy, Asher)

Itinerary:

Drive to book store in Manasquan

Drive to Jenkinson's Boardwalk for food, arcade, and obstacle course

Spending:

Transportation $126

Accommodations $0 (day trip)

Food $14

Entertainment $39

Total $179

 

 

Destination: Jim Thorpe PA

Date: May 26, 2026

Party: 1

Itinerary:

Drive to Hideaway Hills for golf

Shop at Country Junction

Hike at Lehigh Gorge State Park

Walk downtown Jim Thorpe

Take Lehigh Gorge Scenic Railway

Spending:

Transportation $138 + tolls

Accommodations $0 (day trip)

Food $0

Entertainment $80

Total $218 + tolls

Destination: Ocean City NJ

Date: June 2, 2026

Party: 1

 

Itinerary:

Drive to and bike on Atlantic County Bikeway

Golf at Green Tree Golf Course

Lunch at Umi Buffet

Hike at Corson's Inlet State Park and Crook Horn Nature Trail

Visit Ocean City Historical Museum

Buy sticky buns at Mallon's

Bike/walk Ocean City downtown and boardwalk

Spending:

Transportation $109 + tolls

Accommodations $0 (day trip)

Food $44

Entertainment $32

Total $185 + tolls

 

Travel Log: Hershey PA, May 2026

 

 

Destination: Hershey PA

Date: May 23-25, 2026

Party: 2 (Lee, Asher)

Itinerary:

Day 1 

Visit Spring Valley Y

Eat at Manor Buffet

Visit Bird in Hand Farmer's Market

Check into Red Carpet Inn

Day 2 

Strasburg Rail Road

Visit Lampeter-Strasburg YMCA

Go to Turkey Hill Experience

Check into Mainstay Suites Grantville Hershey North

Go to Sheetz for dinner

Day 3

Go to Chocolate World for Build Your Own Candy Bar

Drive home

Spending:

Transportation $170 + tolls

Accommodations $169

Food $138

Entertainment $177

Total $654 + tolls

Gotcha Aaron

 

 

June 9 is the day we celebrate Aaron's "Gotcha Day," because it is the day he arrived in Philadelphia and was brought to the family home, completing a long journey from Taiwan via California in which he was accompanied by my parents, and then by Amy and her mom. Aaron is growing into a fine young man with good character and a full life. We continue to journey with him and give thanks for his coming into our lives. Happy Gotcha Day, Aaron!

The Regulars

 

In the age-old debate between trying lots of different things and sticking with what you know, I am usually squarely in the former camp rather than the latter. Sure, I have my go-to's, whether it is a running shoe brand I'm comfortable or the fact that I like going to our cherished vacation places in Florida every year. But, if given the choice of going back to something I've experienced before or intentionally avoiding that in order to branch out, almost always I'll choose to break new ground.

Indeed, during COVID, it felt important to break free from our usual takeout haunts and sample the vast diversity of food offerings in our neighborhood. So, we upped our frequency from once a month to once a week, and we vowed to not repeat places for as long as we could find a new spot. I lost track around 70 to 80, that's how many options we have within a 15-minute walk of our home. It was a wonderful way to celebrate the diversity of our community and support local businesses in the process.

But, I do understand the allure of having a go-to spot. For some, it's a matter of sticking with what works for you rather than risking a bad experience. But for me, it's a matter of approaching that wonderful existence known as being a "regular." 

Growing up, "Cheers" popularized the ditty, "where everybody knows your name." But, even better than being greeted on a first-name basis (and, in fact, many places where regulars go, no one knows anyone's names, even if everyone knows everyone) is the sense that you are recognized, appreciated, and treated with honor.

I can't say we're approaching that yet with a couple of local haunts, but it is nice to go back with some frequency to the Mexican restaurant on our block and the Arab-run smoothie shop up the street. It helps these places offer delicious things at affordable prices. But way more valuable to me is the sense that I am in a familiar and welcoming place, and that I have a real relationship with the workers and owners. 

I still like trying new things. But I also value what comes with being a "regular." It's a good feeling to want to keep coming back to over and over again.

What Am I Good At

 

 

I am appreciative of all the positivity that people have sent my way in the midst of my job search. It feels great that so many of my colleagues are willing to be so kind with their encouragements, to say nothing of practical advice and business connections that have been so generously offered.

It occurs to me that, if I am asking folks to keep me in mind for opportunities that might suit me, I should be more specific about what that might mean. I will reiterate that I am keeping an open mind about what my next career move might be. But whatever that is is not unlimited, but rather is constrained by what I bring to the table. 

For if there's anything that's non-negotiable about what I want to do next, it's that I have to be able to do it well, drawing from what I'm good at, and adding value and having impact in the process. So it makes sense for me to say more about what I'm good at, enjoy, and want to do more of. So here's a running list for your reference:

1. "Economic development" is probably the most inclusive phrase to describe where my career has tended to focus. Which I'll broadly define as contributing to the economic competitiveness of a place, being mindful of the need to be thoughtful and inclusive in order to do so. And which for me has generally meant a respect for both free market forces and the necessary role of the public, not-for-profit, and institutional sectors. Which in turn requires a respect for and connection to lots of different parts of a region and an understanding of how they can work well together, which my work experiences have afforded me.

2. I know how to run a professional services firm, in all that entails, which I think of in three buckets. One is operating a company, which is big-picture things like creating an organizational culture (and staffing and training towards that) as well as day-to-day matters like making payroll and dealing with HR issues. Two is bringing in the work, which some people call "business development" and which I consider to be a matter of reputation, networking, and closing the deal. Three is doing the work itself, which in the case of my most recent job was about economic analysis but which I'll define more broadly as identifying the problem to be solved, figuring out how to solve it, and then executing that solution in a way that makes the customer happy.

3. I have had varied work experiences that give me a well-rounded understanding of the primacy of leadership and the practice of leadership. Executive positions at both my jobs plus numerous fiduciary board roles represent a body of knowledge from which to address topics that are critical to the health of an entity and a region but that are often neglected because they are difficult and uncomfortable, things like ensuring proper governance and having a succession plan and making unpopular but necessary decisions.

4. I think I am a good friend, confidante, and advocate. This is something I work hard at and do with intention. Being a good listener, sharing vulnerably to give others permission to do the same, being a cheerleader, giving good advice, following through, and going to bat for others: these are personally impactful actions that I take pleasure doing to bless others and that I hope people recognize I do with authenticity and zeal.

If these traits resonate with an opportunity you are aware of, let me know! I welcome the exploration, if not for gainful employment then to better understand some other aspect of this wonderful region we call home. Thank you for your consideration.