Tuesday, November 20, 2018

A Race Against Time for Asher’s Safety

I have hinted at this a bit in this space and elsewhere, but let me say again that Asher’s adjustment from having a nanny to being in preschool has been a difficult one.  In general, the 2’s and 3’s are called “terrible” for a reason, because it’s a perfect storm of thinking the world revolves around you and the world treating you like it doesn’t, all the while you’re ability to communicate and reason is still very nascent.


Yes, yes, and oh my lord yes for Asher on all of these things.  He is physically big for his age and behind on communications for his age.  He can be so so sweet most of the time, but when he doesn’t get what he wants his outbursts can be epic.  And in social settings like preschool (or, this has also happened when we’ve dropped him off at Sunday School at church or at Child Watch at the local Y’s), he can engage in behavior that is unfair to impose on the other kids and on the adults in charge, like throwing toys and hurling chairs and lashing out and even hitting and spitting.  At this point, more often than not (which is to say, well over half of the time), I have to get Asher before it's time for him to be gotten, because the adults in charge are no longer able to deal with him.




We are seeking various evaluations to see if we can get the extra help we might need, and we are fortunate that we have navigated these processes with Jada and Aaron and in general live in a city where there are abundant options for families like us.  But it is obviously distressing to get called by preschool or Sunday School or the Y, and told we need to get Asher right away. 



It is also distressing for me to project into the future and think about whether an older Asher will be able to keep his temper in check, and how those around him will respond if he doesn’t.  Suffice to say that big black guys are not often given the benefit of the doubt in these kinds of situations.  Asher is only three now, so we have a ways to go, but I can’t help but think that we are in a race against time for his safety.  What behavioral issues will Asher carry with him into adolescence, and/or that will crop up during his adolescence, that will put him in situations in which people may do him harm in response?  I don’t want to think this but we must, in order to put him on the right path and keep him safe.  Pray for us.

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