Collaboration or Condemnation

 

I recently had the pleasure of catching up with an old work colleague who is now an elected official in a hotly politically divided state legislature. She is around my age and we've known each other for many years, during which time I have built up so much respect for the ways she gives her all in serving her constituents and her state. 

One manifestation of this, which is somewhat controversial among her younger followers, is the intentional efforts she puts into getting to know, working with, and at times supporting her fellow electeds who are on the other side of the aisle. To be sure, on most issues, they do not see eye to eye, and my colleague is quite principled and vocal about that. However, as a legislative body and as a group of public servants, they must work for the common good, and so practically what that means for my colleague is that there are times she must collaborate, co-sponsor, and stand with her counterparts.

She sees no character flaw or integrity inconsistency in this, nor do I. She is doing a job, a very public and important one, and fulfilling that job requires disagreement at times and cooperation at other times. Their being very apart on, say, worker's rights, does not prohibit them from coming together on, say, child care.

When I was young, I tended to think that I saw things clearly, dividing the world into right and wrong and pouring my energy into doing right and opposing wrong. I think this is common and good, when we are young, to think and act this way. But I worry that today's youth, like me before them, are quick to pass these judgments, and then having rendered judgment to consider "the other side" not worthy of anything but condemnation, let alone compromise, collaboration, and collegiality.

Leave aside whether the passing of judgment is correct, because for sure it is a good thing to feel strongly about an issue and to be upset when people in power act against what we see as progress on that issue, so let me give folks the benefit of the doubt and say that when they believe about an issue is righteous and that they're feeling angry is appropriate. Let us also assume that folks who raise their voice do so out of a genuine concern for themselves, others, and society, and a commitment to see the hard work through to make progress, rather than grandstanding to look good or feel good with no regard for connecting with the people or issue in question.

With all those caveats in place, I want to say that I feel strongly that in our democratic society, "the other side" is a group of people who deserve our recognition of their humanity and voice, not to be shot down figuratively or literally. And, as an elected official like my colleague, "the other side" is a group that must be recognized, cultivated, and worked with, if that elected body is to get anything of substance done. The alternative, which I don't think we're close to but I will say I'm starting to worry about, is that public discourse devolves into making and winning arguments through violence, and that the ebb and flow of democratic government consisting of more than one political party gives way to one side dominating and then power lurching over to the other side to dominate next.

If you're a politically active young person or a parent raising one, hats off to you. I hope you'll see the commitment and openness of my colleague as a good thing to be emulated and not a cowardly thing to be denounced. I certainly hope more of our electeds, and citizens in general, are more like her.

My Job Search Update is That I'm Still Searching

 

Job search updates are usually for after you find your next gig, where you express your excitement about it and muse about what you learned along the way. I'll cut to the chase: I'm still looking for a job. But, that shouldn't preclude me from musing about what I've learned so far. Although I do hope that the update that shares the news of where I'm landing comes soon!

1. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I am a very methodical, future-oriented, planner type. So you would think I'd have lots of clarity about something as fundamental as where I'm going when I wake up every weekday morning, or if not then at least great desire to find that clarity. But, after a lot of self-reflection (and journaling and prayer and therapeutic conversations), I still couldn't describe for you the perfect job. Perhaps I'm getting closer to non-negotiable elements to my next job, but that's well short of an acceptable answer to the obvious question of, "well, what do you want to do?" And, I'm learning to be ok with that.

2. I can't describe it but I can say yes or no. While I can't imagine what a perfect job would look like for me right now, I do know myself well enough that when faced with a potential opportunity, I have an immediate gut feeling about whether it is worth contemplating or not, and that immediate gut feeling is never wrong. Perhaps you can map this onto specific characteristics, such as "I want to make an impact" or "I want to work with awesome people," but I think the gut feeling is just that, something that is not related to any trait or calculation but that is no less real and no less right.

3. There are clues in what I'm excited to do for free. Perhaps it's my consulting training, or if I want to be charitable about myself perhaps it's my personal temperament, but while I've been unemployed I haven't been disconnected from people and issues, and when I connect with people on issues my first impulse is to think about how I can help, and not just offer to help but really dig in and do something that moves the ball forward. As I'm currently unaffiliated, any help I do provide is disconnected from anything that benefits any organization I'm a part of and offers me no direct compensation. But it is a clear signal that this is something that energizes and motivates me, and in this harsh world there's nothing more important to being sustainably happy and successful than that.

4. Not knowing is hard. We can't help but find our identity in things related to our jobs: that we do something of value day in and day out, that our schedule is full with important tasks to perform, that we're part of a group that's doing something. Not having any of those things, one can't help but feel unmoored, naked, forgotten. Compound that with the anxiety of going from earning money and having benefits to making nothing and paying for benefits, and it can be the perfect storm for crisis mode. It takes intention and perseverance to fight for a place of inner peace, trust in the process, and (as a person of faith) belief in the perfect provision and timing of our Creator. Meaning that feeling stressed and down is the human default, and we have to struggle our way to a better place. I certainly have felt all these feels along the way.

So that's where I am as of today. Will keep you all posted!

Happy Birthday to My Baby

 

I won't say what age Amy is turning today, but I will say we've been married 26+ years, which means a lot of cycles of ups and downs and lefts and rights. Blessed to share this roller coaster with you baby!

The Sun Never Sets on Huang Family Operations

 

 

We have a saying in our immediate family, which is that at any given time, someone among the five of us has to be making money, spending money, sleeping, and having fun. It's not literally true, but it's not far from true, particularly when Jada is 12 time zones away so her day is our night and vice versa.

The saying is usually invoked to emphasize something that is often true in our family, which is that we keep relatively individual and varied schedules. Sure, there's a bunch we do together as a family. But there's a bunch that we do on our own, too. And, our preferences are varied, too, so for example Amy and I are early to bed and early to rise, and we keep Asher on the same schedule, whereas Jada and Aaron are night owls.

I think the saying is also invoked to remind everyone that there is a place for both work and play, resting and striving. Which is to say that, in order to spend money, you have to make money, and also that it's not good to go go go without resting, and it's also not good to not get out there and have some fun. I guess there's a lot to this simple saying of ours!

Travel Log: Florida, July/August 2026

 

Destination: Orlando and Miami

Date: July 30 to August 5, 2026

Party: 4 in Orlando (Anuj, Eric, and Jeremy), 1 in Miami

Itinerary:

Day 1 - fly to Orlando, get groceries and check into unit, pick up 2 friends at airport

Day 2 - pick up last friend at airport, afternoon golf round at Providence, dinner at unit

Day 3 - morning golf round at White Heron, dinner/sightseeing in downtown Orlando

Day 4 - morning golf round at Orange County National, drop off 1 friend at airport, hang out at ICON Park, drop off 2 friends and car at airport, Brightline train to Miami, check into unit

Day 5 - walk Miami Beach, pick up rental bike, bike to Little Haana + Little Haiti + Perez Art Museum, bus to airport, pick up rental car

Day 6 - morning golf round at Colony West, sightseeing north of Miami Beach (Samson Oceanfront Park, Newport Fishing Pier, Oleta State River Park, Bal Harbour Shops, Harding Avenue in Surfside, Brittany Bay Park

Day 7 - morning golf round at Grand Palms, sightseeing south of Miami Beach (Cape Florida Lighthouse, Rubell Museum, Lowe Art Museum, Deering Estate, Pinecrest Gardens, Matheson Hammock Park and Marina, Coconut Grove), return rental car, fly home

 

Spending:

Transportation $1,005

Accommodations $0

Food $251

Entertainment $569

Total $1,825

Travel Log: Manhattan, July 2026

 

Destination: Manhattan

Date: July 27 to 28, 2026

Party: 2 (Amy)

Itinerary:

Day 1 - Amtrak to NYC, walk Lower East Side sights, check into Hotel Mimosa

Day 2 - check out of hotel, subway to northern edge of Central Park, walk Central Park, Amtrak home

 

Spending:

Transportation $102

Accommodations $187

Food $114

Entertainment $0

Total $403

Prove Yourself

 

For a while now, I've been following closely the plight of today's young people entering the workforce and encountering uncertainty in landing that first entry-level job. Through my previous job I tried to understand this from an employer's and university's perspective, and as a dad I'm processing the same topic through our oldest two who are on the precipice of the start of their careers.

Being a child of well-educated immigrants, I feel deeply that school is an important foundation upon which you built your employability. But I also know it is a tumultuous time for workers, employers, and universities alike, given the growing uncertainty in our global economy, the advent of AI, and the proliferation of non-university paths to credentials and careers.

As a cold-blooded capitalist, all of this chaos doesn't surprise or bother me; indeed, it's how things work out, is through free market exchanges and innovations and failures and successes. If anything, I want there to be more direct and proportionate feedback to the system. If a student flakes in college, they shouldn't expect a good job offer. And if a university doesn't provide a quality education, it won't properly prepare its students, and students and employers alike will choose away from those schools. 

Innovation doesn't take us on a straight path but it does lead us to progress. Students who try crazy things like travel and entrepreneurship and volunteerism may find they unlock skills and confidence that help them stand apart from others even if they lack the grades or pedigree their peers have. And universities that experiment with alternative forms of education delivery (e.g. streamlined 3-year degrees as opposed to 4-year degrees, internship experiences baked into the degree requirement) may similarly unlock a path to career prep that students and employers take to and want more of.

But let's step back for a second. I suppose that life is just one big game, one of signaling and networks and cause-and-effect. But, fundamentally, jobs go to those who can contribute to their employers, and they do so because they have a set of hard and soft skills that an employer can work with to get value out of. In olden days, that skill set was more defined, which lent itself to an apprentice model in which you prepared for a career by learning the craft of that career, and as you learned it you became more ready to take on that career.

Nowadays, the white collar workforce's skill set seems far more nebulous. Sure, there are hard skills that can be defined, and we should (employers and universities) be more rigorous about expressing what those skills are and measuring who has and doesn't have those skills. Indeed, we are woefully weak about this, relegating much of what passes for a credential to the branding of a school rather than an actual and unassailable analysis of whether a graduate from that school actually knows how to do X and Y.

But what today's employers really want, since a lot of what entry level white collar workers used to do can now be done far more quickly and cheaply by AI, is a much squishier set of traits, which are hard to gain and similarly hard to measure. The accumulation of "reps" that make up someone being described as "experienced" can be hard to access if you're only 22. But, you still need to get those "reps" in. Does it matter how many years of college you got through or where you went? Absolutely. But, those are merely proxies for, do you possess a set of foundational skills that I as an employer can work with, such that I am willing to trade you their money for your time. I think that's on today's youth to prove, and universities to provide.

Travel is an Optimization Puzzle to Solve

 

After 31 consecutive years of work or school, giving myself this summer to leave one job while looking for my next has afforded unique space for lots of productive things, including travel: excluding day trips and overnighters, I was able to see Cabo, Virginia, Connecticut, and Singapore/Kuching, as well as my current annual visit to Orlando/Miami. Travel is, of course, a great privilege and wonderful teacher, so I'm pleased to have made space for a lot of it this year.

It will come as no surprise that I treat travel much like I treat the rest of my life, which is that it is an optimization puzzle to solve. Not that I efficiently script out every minute: even if I had the time for that kind of prep, I think I've grown comfortable with the fine line between exhilaration and terror when I leave some aspects of a trip to chance, not quite knowing in advance how things will play out but finding it fun to figure it out along the way, and roll with good and bad as needed.

But, there is a sense in which travel is a sort of game, in which I have to figure something out based on multiple dimensions. Which is kind of how life works, too. You have to worry about finite time and money. You want to have the best time possible, and maybe do something impactful along the way, whether learning something or giving back or at least not being a total asshole to those whose home turf you're invading.

Of course, different objectives are differently important and different times, which is part of the challenge. I may want to conserve money, but if something really cool presents itself that costs a lot I might still do it. My belly might rumble midday from running myself hard with an aggressive itinerary, but if I can hold off a couple hours and get to a really great spot for food I'll do it instead of settling for something more immediate but less appealing like fast food or a museum cafe. 

Here's another fun one I often puzzle over, which is how heavy or light to pack. For 12 days in Singapore, I basically packed 4 days' worth of clothes, and I did 2 1/2 loads of hand-washed laundry mid-trip to recycle those clothes back into good use. It's a pain to hand-wash and it takes up time, but I prefer that hassle over a heavier load. (Of course, one can also find a laundromat, which introduces money and convenience considerations.)

Perhaps the biggest thing to puzzle over is what to see. A lot or a little both have their pros and cons, and assuming you literally can't see everything possible then you have to make some choices about what's worth the time and money. Of course, you can carefully lay your plans and they can blow up in your face: the weather doesn't cooperate, something turns out to be temporarily closed for renovations, or on a more positive note you literally stumble into something completely off your radar screen that is adjacent to somewhere you did have on your itinerary. This too is part of the fun, both in bracing for these uncertainties and then dealing with them in the moment.

Needless to say, travel is one of the finer pleasures in life. I feel lucky to be resourced enough to do it in general, and fortunate that this year allowed me the choice to carve out extended time for multiple excursions. Not every activity was A+ but the whole package was something I'll never forget. 

Travel Log: Singapore, July 2026

 

 

 

Destination: Singapore, Kuching

Date: July 13 to 24, 2026

Party: 2 (Jada)

Itinerary:

Day 1-2 - fly to Singapore via SFO, check into hotel, get groceries

Day 3 - Nanyang Technological University, Singapore Discovery Centre, Hell's Museum, National University of Singapore, Le Pau Sat w/Jada

Day 4 - Bukit Timah Nature Reserve, Mount Faber, Sentosa Island, Maxwell Food Centre w/Jada

Day 5 - Little India, Singapore Flyer, Clarke Quay, Fort Canning Park, National Museum of Singapore, fly to Kuching w/Jada

Day 6 - Cat Museum, Brooke Gallery, Borneo Cultures Museum, Sarawak River Cruise

Day 7 - Jong's Crocodile Farm, Semenggoh Nature Reserve, India Street Mall, Top Spot Food Centre

Day 8 - Kubah National Park, Sarawak Cultural Village

Day 9 - Bako National Park, fly back to Singapore

Day 10 - Tiong Bahru Market, West Coast Park, Bukit Batok Nature Reserve, Windsor Nature Park, Singapore Zoo, Newton Food Centre w/Jada

Day 11-12 - Garden by the Bay, Cloud Forest, Flower Dome, ArtScience Museum, Shoppes at Marina Bay, Boat Quay / Merlion Park, Asian Civilizations Museum, National Gallery of Singapore, Jewel Rain Vortex, fly home through SFO

 

Spending:

Transportation $2,005

Accommodations $529

Food $352

Entertainment $379

Total $3,265

 

A few additional notes beyond the facts above, to provide some flavor to my trip.

16 hours is a long time to be on a plane, especially when you have a bad back. I allowed myself to nod off when I couldn't fight it, even if I was trying to trick my body into thinking this was just a really long (36-hour) day that I could fall asleep for the night at the end of it. The 22 hours in the air did allow me to make a huge dent into a very long list of movies that I consider must-see that I'd just never seen.

Singaporean drivers sit on the right side of their cars, drive on the left side of the road, and pass in front of slower drivers by moving to the right. Which took some getting used to. Which also meant that pedestrians walking towards each other tended to pass each other on the left, although not exclusively, especially in the many cases where folks had their noses in their phones and were meandering in the middle of the sidewalk, which I was a bit annoyed with. More annoying to me was the very frequent case of bikes and even e-bikes on the crowded pavements. I thought Singaporeans respected order!

Much of the core of the city is a wonderful combination of dense and lush. They have a saying here, that Singapore is a "city in nature," and they seem to have pulled off both the look of that and the sustainability initiatives required to say that with integrity. In this regard, the place gave Miami vibes a lot for me. Also very Miami-like was the extraordinary diversity and tolerance exhibited as I walked about, just a mix of ethnicities and religions peacefully coexisting, and I found that really appealing.

Hawker centres are really fun to eat your way through, especially to observe the diversity of offerings and of people enjoying the offerings.

Sentosa Island is an amazing place I could've easily spent my entire trip and all my money on.

Changi Airport in Singapore is by far the best airport I've ever been to. No matter how hard airports try, they can tend to feel the same wherever you go, and it's not a good feeling: soulless shuffling from one place to another, in-your-face consumerism, undistinguishable food offerings. Here you clearly knew it was an airport but it felt like so much more: a high-end mall, a fun place to grab a bite and watch the game, and countless things to engage the senses like gardens and play spaces. I didn't even get to visit the marquee destination, the Rain Vortex, though I saw it in passing when riding one of the shuttles. Truly an amazing place, and so on-brand for Singapore.

Kuching is full of cat statues, as it is billed as "Cat City." It is far less cosmopolitan than Singapore: no subway, can't drink the water, a sleepier vibe in the morning. A high concentration of truly wonderful tourist sites, mostly related to the lush parks and diverse wildlife available to see here. I'm glad Jada and I landed on this as our weekend jaunt during my Singapore trip.

Most food places only accept cash, as well as many of the sites I had on my list, so exchanging money was a must. It was a lot harder than I expected, given that my initial research indicated there were automated machines on the main street where I was staying. Turns out there aren't, and bank machines require a debit card which I don't have. Hotel front desk indicated there was a money changer down the street - he just pointed out the front door and said "straight," which it turns out was a 30-minute walk down the main road. Halfway through, when I learned this from asking folks along the way, I was bailed out by people saying there was a grocery store that did money exchange just across the street. Just my luck! Even better, after trading dollars for ringgits, I got my grocery run out of the way, procuring some fresh fruit and snacks.

The sunset cruise was recommended to me, and it did not disappoint. It was very comfortable to slowly meander down the Sarawak River, taking pictures of sites and enjoying a shady and breezy evening while the sun melted into the horizon. Even better, they served unlimited orange drink, which I had 5 cups of since I was a bit dehydrated from the day's events in the punishing sun. They even handed out a local favorite, layered cake, which I also scarfed up. The waterfront area was nice to walk around in before and after the boat ride, with Jada and I deciding to grab a bite and an ice cream after dark. I think how cities use their waterfront space is really important to quality of life, and I have to say Kuching had immaculate vibes.

I went to two natural parks, both after Jada returned to Singapore. Kubah I felt I had to myself, hiking an extremely strenuous trail that rewarded me with countless jaw-dropping photo opps. Bako worked out splendidly, even as I was dreading the logistics beforehand. You need to book a boat to enter the park, which I did in advance, but they told me a couple of days before that I was the only one who had bought a ticket, which would mean that they couldn't use their usual boat shuttle but would have to count it as a private charter and charge me an extra 150 ringgits in cash. Secondly, I wasn't sure how I was going to get back into town after, since ride share drivers often balk at fares involving long drives out to meet their passenger, and I was getting conflicting info on whether there was a bus I could take. All of these problems ended up not being problems! Ride share isn't that hard to hail out there. I saw the bus that takes you back into town, so that could've been an option too. But best of all, 4 other American travelers, 2 from Boston and 2 from New York, showed up that morning to join me on the boat, so I didn't have to shell out the extra 150 ringgits, AND the 5 of us had an amazing time walking the park together, AND I even got a free ride back into town from 2 of them who were nice enough to give me a lift. The park itself, by the way, was amazing, most of all the up-close encounters with wildlife, including an entire family of macaques that waltzed right through us on the path early on our hike. An incredible experience!

It was amazing to see Jada navigate a big city solo as a grown adult. She is more well-traveled than I am even though I had a 30+ year head start. Proud dad moment getting to see her on this trip.

 

Marriage Models

 

I didn't grow up in the church. So my most formative years in the faith were in college and right out of college. I am thankful for the many people God put in my life during those seasons, to love and instruct me towards a solid foundation and healthy spirituality.

One thing I remember from those years is two distinct models of marriage that were held in high regard. One archetype was what you might call the traditional gender roles, where the husband works and makes the money, and the wife stays at home and raises the kids. Couples like this, and the people who applauded them, tended to be more old-school, and emphasize the importance of the husband providing for the family and the wife nurturing the family.

The other archetype was the ministry couple, where both husband and wife served in a church or para-church setting, either as interchangeable parts (they both basically did the same things) or complementary parts (e.g. the husband was in a formal ministry role while the wife led women's Bible study or headed up mercy ministries). There was much to commend about this model, seeing that both spouses are fully committed to doing God's work and to doing it together as equals.

Amy and I are neither of these things. We both work, but not with each other. She jokes that she hasn't a clue what I do, which by the way is not a compliment that what I do is really hard but rather a dig that it's too confusing to be able to explain. And we both laugh when people find out she's in health care and ask if I am too, since we both know I don't know the first thing about anything in that space.

But this too can be a good example of a marriage model that is respectful and impactful. We may not understand each other's work, but we admire each other for doing it and appreciate both the money that comes in as a result and the effort required to make it happen. And, it can be healthy to have spaces, both personal and professional, that belong to each of us, making the activities we do do together that more cherished.

It turns out that many, perhaps most couples are like this, at least in the circles we run in. There is nothing better or worse about this form of marriage, or at least I hope not, since I'm not quite sure how things would work if all couples were either in traditional gender roles or did ministry together. I celebrate those marriages based on those models, as well as the majority that look like mine and Amy's. 

Travel Log: Connecticut, July 2026

 

 

 

Destination: Connecticut

Date: July 5 to July 10, 2026

Party: 1

Itinerary:

Day 1 - Drive to hotel in New Haven CT after Asher sleepaway camp drop-off

Day 2 - Swim at Soundview Family Y, golf at Alling Memorial, sightseeing on Yale campus (Cushing Center, Chapel Street, Haas Family Arts Library, New Haven Green, Beinecke Rare Book and Manuscript Library, Sterling Memorial Library, Grove Street Cemetery, Divinity Library

Day 3 - Run to Long Wharf Pier, golf at VUE CT, sightseeing on Yale campus (Peabody Museum, New Haven Museum, Yale Center for British Art, Yale University Museum of Art, Louis' Lunch, Arethusa Farm Dairy)

Day 4 - Swim at Soundview Family Y, sightseeing in Old Lyme (Duck River Cemetery, Lyme Academy of Fine Arts, Lyme Art Association, Florence Griswold Museum), sightseeing in Hartford (Connecticut State Capitol, Ancient Burial Ground, Wadsworth Atheneum Museum of Art, Old State House, Mortensen Riverfront Plaza), check into hotel

Day 5 - Bike at Downtown Hartford Y, golf at Gillette Ridge, sightseeing in Hartford (Elizabeth Park Conservancy, Mark Twain House & Museum, Stowe Center for Literary Activism, Parkville Market, drive home

Spending:

Transportation $505

Accommodations $404

Food $58

Entertainment $240

Total $1,207

 

 

Travel Log: Virginia, June/July 2026

 

 

Destination: Virginia

Date: June 28 to July 2, 2026

Party: 1

Itinerary:

Day 1 - Drive to hotel in Winchester VA after Asher sleepaway camp drop-off

Day 2 - Golf at Blue Ridge Shadows, drive through Shenandoah National Park for pics/hiking, detour to Luray Caverns and Dukes of Hazzard Museum, spend night at Lewis Mountain Cabins

Day 3 - Drive through Shenandoah National Park for pics/hiking, drive to Charlottesville, visit Cater Mountain Orchards + Monticello + Highland, check into hotel in Charlottesville

Day 4 - Visit Brooks Family Y, golf at Meadowcreek, visit Kluge-Ruge Aboriginal Art Collection + IX Art Park + McGuffey Art Center + Downtown Mall + UVA 

Day 5 - Visit Brooks Family Y, visit Market at Grelen + Montpelier + Main Street Orange, visit friend in Fairfax, drive home

Spending:

Transportation $472

Accommodations $417

Food $61

Entertainment $266

Total $1,216

 

A few additional notes beyond the facts above, to provide some flavor to my trip.

* Virginia's natural beauty showed out, whether I was driving through Shenandoah National Park or playing golf or eating my way through a family farm.

* I stayed in a cabin halfway through my drive through Shenandoah, which there were plenty of others roughing it harder than me (some who were walking the whole thing and/or pitching a tent), but for this city slicker it was an adjustment to not have wifi and to worry about food storage to avoid bear attacks.

* It was interesting to visit the homes of three founding fathers (Jefferson, Madison, and Monroe), who were 3 of the 1st 5 US presidents, right around America's 250th birthday, and with our nation still grappling with the confounding paradox of our earliest leaders expounding on the primacy of freedom while enslaving other humans.

 * Temps exceeded 100 for the last 2+ days of my trip, necessitating a state of constant vigilance around shade and hydration.

 

 

Travel Log: Cabo, June 2026

 

Destination: Cabo

Date: June 14-25, 2026

Party: 2 (Lee, Asher)

Itinerary:

Day 1 - Fly to Cabo via Denver, get rental car and groceries, drive 90 minutes to Cabo Pulmo National Park, check into resort, swim in resort pool

Days 2-4 - Hiking in the mountains, walk to nearby beaches, swim in resort pool, drive 2.5 hours to Cabo San Lucas, get groceries, check into condo unit

Days 5-8 - walk to Marina, boat tour to Arch, walk to Mexican buffet, drive 40 minutes to San Jose del Cabo, get groceries, check into condo unit

Days 9-12 - drive to downtown sites, drive to beaches and Shoppes at Palmilla, rent bikes to City Market, fly home via Austin

Spending:

Transportation $1,964

Accommodations $1,475

Food $392

Entertainment $118

Total $3,949

A few additional notes beyond the facts above, to provide some flavor to our trip together.

* Travel to and from Cabo was generally without incident. We had a 5am flight out so I had to wake Asher up at 3ish but he was game. Philly to Denver and Denver to Los Cabos went fine, as did customs on the way into Mexico. On the way home, Los Cabos to Austin went fine, as did customs on the way back into the US. Alas, we incurred an additional 3 hours of layover in Austin, first because our plane had a mechanical issue so they had to find another one, and second because our pilot got stuck in traffic and was late getting to the airport. So instead of a 9pm touchdown (already late for us!) we landed well after midnight and didn't get home until 1am.

* I found driving in Mexico to be an adventure. Some stop signs did not appear to be recognized, while in other cases there was no stop sign so I'd wait for crossing traffic because I didn't think they'd stop and they'd slow down and wave us through annoyingly as if we should've already gone. The main roads to Cabo Pulmo are completely unpaved and in some places are bumpy, hilly, and/or right on a cliff, so I white-knuckled it all the way. And, I kept missing turns, partly because I'd never been and partly because Google Maps gave everything in meters.

* Soriana Hiper is like our Walmart, a go-to before each of our three destinations for groceries and prepared foods. Asher enjoyed getting baked goods as well as one mango per meal, so about 30 for the trip. Super clutch was our rental car helper's advice to get stuff in town before making the 90-minute drive out to Cabo Pulmo since there's absolutely nothing out there. Our first place had a water cooler, but our 2nd and 3rd places did not, so we went through about a liter per day per person of store-bought jugs.

* Our first place, in Cabo Pulmo, was a cute villa with its own yard and porch; alas, it didn't have wifi so it was Asher's least favorite, as he had to go to the front of the property and sit in the restaurant to play is online games. Our second place, in Cabo San Lucas, was a 2-bedroom condo in a bustling neighborhood that was about a 15-minute walk from the marina, CSL's main tourist destination. Our third place, in San Jose del Cabo, was an amazing 2-bedroom unit in a luxury property, which we lucked into because our original reservation had a glitch so we had to rebook on the fly. Asher adored that place, as did I, as it had a huge balcony with water views, high-end furnishings and decor, and an infinity pool on the rooftop lounge. Each of the places had a pool, which was a great respite from the heat and something we enjoyed almost every day to cool off and be lazy.

* In Cabo Pulmo, I went for a run as soon as we'd unpacked, and literally five seconds I got stung by a hornet on the arm. The next day, running down the same pathway, I got three stings, two in the back and one in the shoulder. Needless to say, I avoided that route for the rest of our stay and went the long way. The first sting was the worst, and for about 48 hours the whole area was red and swollen, but thankfully it went away after that. 

* In Cabo Pulmo, the beach is about 2 minutes away through the back of the property, or about a 10-minute walk outside the front of the property. Alas, Asher never wanted to hang on there because it was far too hot in the middle of the day, so we only did short jaunts first thing in the morning. We also drove a short distance to an early morning hike halfway up a mountain, before it got too steamy for Asher to want to continue. Cabo Pulmo is known for its snorkeling, but that is too involved of an activity for Asher so we passed. 

* In Cabo San Lucas, we enjoyed a boat tour to the Arch, one of CSL's signature tourist sights. It was a beautiful day to be on the water, and more than made up for the walking in circles it took for us to find the tour, given that the website was wrong about the ticket office and three separate people who I asked for help were also wrong, so we tried four different locations on the marina before finding the actual check-in. After the boat tour, Asher wanted to go to a sushi restaurant right on the water but it wasn't going to open for two hours so we waited out the heat in a Starbucks, where for the price of two drinks we were able to access wifi, an outlet, and bathrooms. Another day we walked a mile in the opposite direction of the marina to try out a Mexican buffet. On another day, we drove to a nearby country club so I could hit golf balls at the practice range while Asher had a burger and fries. 

* In Cabo San Lucas, there was a popular restaurant right outside our unit. One night it erupted in cheers when Mexico won its World Cup match. Another night there was a very loud party in the parking lot of the restaurant that started around when we went to bed and continued all the way until after we woke up the next morning. Somehow Asher slept through all of it even though his bedroom window was closest to the action.

* In San Jose del Cabo, we drove to and walked around the downtown core one day, including the main plaza and art district, and got tacos at a fun restaurant that was showing World Cup action. The next day we drove to two beaches to take pictures and then went to a high-end resort to walk around the shopping area and grab a smoothie at its cafe. The third day we rented bikes and went to a high-end shopping center to window shop and get prepared foods. 

* In San Jose del Cabo, we enjoyed the decadence of our nice unit. Asher had his own bedroom and bathroom, but he really wanted mine, which had a walk-in closet, heated toilet seat, and direct access to the balcony. I spent a lot of time on that balcony, in self-reflection and journaling and prayer, as well as looking out into the water, so I will remember that for a very long time. 

Travel Log: Poconos, June 2026

 

 

Destination: Poconos

Date: June 8-9, 2026

Party: 2 (Lee, Jim)

Itinerary:

Day 1 - Drive to Poconos, lunch, warm-up, round, dinner

Day 2 - Swim at Pocono Family Y, round, lunch, drive home

Spending:

Transportation $151

Accommodations $0 (Jim covered)

Food $0 (Jim covered)

Entertainment $220 (I covered)

Total $371

 

Chores Over the Years

 

Amy and I bought our house in March 2000, when we were in our mid-twenties. I can still remember closing on the sale, celebrating at a nearby restaurant, and then breaking out in a cold sweat realizing I was personally responsible for an entire residential structure.

I'm not handy now, and I was even less handy back then. My two responses to this - gaining a new responsibility and having no idea how to handle it - were to study up, and to put myself on a schedule. Meaning I dug into "Dummies" books and "how-to" sites online, on things you need to do as a homeowner. And then I created a calendar for when those things needed to be done. I figured that I couldn't always prevent problems, but that it was worth it for me to invest an ounce of prevention since I was sure I wasn't ready to bear the pound of cure if I didn't.

These chores have become part of the regular rhythm of a given year. I clean every window and door in the house in April and October, turn off the outside water spigot once winter hits, and install room air conditioning units prior to the first hot spell of the year (because we don't have central air). Twice a year, I go all the way up to the roof of the house to see if our water sealant is holding up and our gutters are clean. Once a year, I check every circuit breaker in our panel. And so on and so forth.

Not the sort of fun activity one imagines when the weekend beckons. But it's the responsible thing to do if you're a homeowner, so as not to neglect the very place you are living and raising a family.

Over the years, I've been able to outsource some of this to the kids. For example, in their teen years, Aaron and Jada have at times owed me money and worked off that debt by taking on various things around the house that I would've otherwise had to do myself.

Ah, but presently they are both far from home for months on end. And one day, they (and, several years later, even Asher) will be out of the nest for good. And Amy and I remain, and we're now longer in our mid-twenties. So not only do meaningful chunks of time each weekend need to go into house maintenance, but I add to that time allocation by making sure I stretch before and after, especially my creaky back if I have to do things like hold the vacuum nozzle in weird places or hoist a broom up the stairs and onto the 2nd floor porch roof. 

I am lucky to have a roof over my head, luckier still that I own it. And, the aches and pains of middle age are also something to be thankful for, that I've gotten this far in life. This old house and this old guy are indeed getting older together, and while I wish for easier weekends I am thankful for the ones I do have.

Celebrating the Brotherhood of Fatherhood

 

Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there. Isn't fatherhood truly the best? Through all the hard work, heartache, and so many bills (why are kids so expensive?), there's nothing more rewarding or fulfilling.

A big bonus is being part of a great brotherhood of dads, with whom we can share joys and sorrows, laughter and tears. I am grateful for the older men in my life who have been through all the stages of their kids' lives and who I can seek out for counsel and sympathy. I am grateful for dads my age as we do this big part of our lives together in lockstep. And I am grateful for younger dads in my life who bring me back to the unique experience that is parenting really tiny kids (without my having to endure the sleepless nights that go with it).

Happy Father's Day to you all!

Pre-Teen Asher

 

 

Parenting Asher has kept Amy and me, now in our 50s, on our toes. COVID, neuro-divergence, and behavioral issues have made every stage of life and just about every day a bit of an adventure with a lot of noise and not a lot of serenity.

And now we usher in a particularly tumultuous phase of any kid's life, which is the pre-teen years. Which for Asher has meant the typical behavior of one growing from being a kid to being a young adult with all the hormones and social complexity that comes with it.

By choice and by necessity, our parenting style has tended to be more hands-off. Helicoptering or snowplowing, or whatever you want to call it nowadays, is certainly understandable: we care for our kids and we want to do right by them. But oftentimes, doing right by your kids means letting them struggle a little on their own, and that is certainly the case the older they get.

And so for Asher that has mean giving him freedoms he didn't have but one year ago, to go out with friends without our supervision, for example. But it doesn't mean total and unadulterated license to do whatever he wants. Which is where that famous pre-teen rage comes in. 

Even though he's our third child, I still have to remind myself to hold my tongue when he lashes out at us for never giving him any latitude, since the accusation seems so untrue given just how much leeway we have allowed him. I need to remember that this too is part of normal child development at this age, always pushing and stretching and testing.

We will certainly set hard boundaries when appropriate. You don't let your three-year-old near a hot stove, just like you do need to override your 11-year-old's desires to stay up too late or eat like crap or shirk homework/chores or talk disrespectfully. So when Asher pushes, we sometimes need to push back; when he desires to roam free, we need to hold the line.

Fighting all the time is tiring for Amy and me, and we're not as young as we were when Jada and Aaron were going through this. But fight we must, remembering that this too is normal and this too will pass, and ever negotiating (amongst ourselves and with him) when to bend and when to not break.

Shout Out to All the Dads Who Make Dadding Look Easy When It's Actually Hard

 

 

Since as long as they can remember, my kids have sat in the back seat while I drive them somewhere. We're weaving in and out of various conversation topics while eating snacks and singing along to whatever's on the radio like it's no thing. So naturally, now that the older kids drive, they've assumed driving is the easiest thing in the world...until they each gotten into crashes almost immediately after they got their licenses.

The previous paragraph is not about driving.

My older kids do have their licenses, but they have literally not gotten behind the wheel since, so thankfully no crashes. Maybe they never will ever drive in their lives? Between making life choices to live in big cities or driverless technology becomes mainstream. At any rate, the beginning of this post is not meant to introduce a long discourse about cars.

But, let me say one more thing about driving, which is that, like all other activities we learn, over time the brain forms connections in our head, such that a very complex set of tasks can be done over and over again without exertion. Riding a bicycle, hitting a golf ball, tying a tie: these too are things we can do without thinking, because once the body-brain connection has been made, we no longer need to think, we can just do.

And think about just how complex the act of driving is. I mean, you are driving a two-ton steel box at 75+ miles per hour, surrounded by other steel boxes of various sizes weaving in and out, some controlled by people distracted by their phone or fumbling for a french fry or tired from a long work shift. Sometimes the road is slick from rain, the sun is in your eyes, or somebody lost a cardboard box up ahead of you. Every time we hit the road, we are putting life and limb on the line, given the thousands of variables we must navigate in order to navigate our way from Point A to Point B. 

I recall when I was trying to teach our older kids to drive, one of the lessons involved me narrating everything I was thinking while I was driving. They were overwhelmed by the sheer complexity of commentary coming out of my mouth while I was doing something that from their perspective seemed effortless. Turns out Dad wasn't just cruising down the highway, he was also monitoring speed, fuel levels, and turns and bumps in the road. As well as the ever-changing characteristics of all the cars around us: which were close and where they were in relation to us, which were going faster or slower, who looked potentially shaky and needed to be monitored, and so on.

So, finally, several paragraphs in, let me get to the point of today's post, which is to wish an early Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there who make dadding look easy when it's actually hard. (I'm posting this now because I'll be out of town for the next 11 days.)

And, make no mistake: dadding is hard. Whether you are a single dad, divorcee, stay-at-home dad, or husband to a working wife, or dad who is the sole breadwinner of your family, being a dad carries a set of responsibilities and expectations that is similarly complex like driving is. On the road of life, conditions are not always ideal, those around you threaten to swerve or crash into you, and you're not always at your sharpest. Your "vehicle" gets some miles on it and starts falling apart at the worst time, who you're chauffeuring and where you're taking them is ever shifting, and should you safely get everyone from Point A to Point B there's no tip at the end and usually no acknowledgement of gratitude and admiration for accomplishing it. Sounds like driving! But dadding is harder, because it involves even more variables and greater variation and higher stakes. And yet dads must bear the weight of society's expectations and family's needs, and make it happen day in and day out, season after season, life phase after life phase.

Like driving, dadding can look easy from the back seat. I assure you, it is not. And so I tip my hat to my fellow dads every day but especially today in anticipation of Father's Day. I see the diligence by which you carry the heavy burden of fatherhood, and the muscle memory you've built up over time to be able to do it with grace and ease. Happy Father's Day to you!

Travel Log: Point Pleasant Beach NJ, May 2026 + Jim Thorpe PA, May 2026 + Ocean City NJ, June 2026

 

Destination: Point Pleasant Beach NJ 

Date: May 10, 2026

Party: 3 (Lee, Amy, Asher)

Itinerary:

Drive to book store in Manasquan

Drive to Jenkinson's Boardwalk for food, arcade, and obstacle course

Spending:

Transportation $126

Accommodations $0 (day trip)

Food $14

Entertainment $39

Total $179

 

 

Destination: Jim Thorpe PA

Date: May 26, 2026

Party: 1

Itinerary:

Drive to Hideaway Hills for golf

Shop at Country Junction

Hike at Lehigh Gorge State Park

Walk downtown Jim Thorpe

Take Lehigh Gorge Scenic Railway

Spending:

Transportation $138 + tolls

Accommodations $0 (day trip)

Food $0

Entertainment $80

Total $218 + tolls

Destination: Ocean City NJ

Date: June 2, 2026

Party: 1

 

Itinerary:

Drive to and bike on Atlantic County Bikeway

Golf at Green Tree Golf Course

Lunch at Umi Buffet

Hike at Corson's Inlet State Park and Crook Horn Nature Trail

Visit Ocean City Historical Museum

Buy sticky buns at Mallon's

Bike/walk Ocean City downtown and boardwalk

Spending:

Transportation $109 + tolls

Accommodations $0 (day trip)

Food $44

Entertainment $32

Total $185 + tolls

 

Travel Log: Hershey PA, May 2026

 

 

Destination: Hershey PA

Date: May 23-25, 2026

Party: 2 (Lee, Asher)

Itinerary:

Day 1 

Visit Spring Valley Y

Eat at Manor Buffet

Visit Bird in Hand Farmer's Market

Check into Red Carpet Inn

Day 2 

Strasburg Rail Road

Visit Lampeter-Strasburg YMCA

Go to Turkey Hill Experience

Check into Mainstay Suites Grantville Hershey North

Go to Sheetz for dinner

Day 3

Go to Chocolate World for Build Your Own Candy Bar

Drive home

Spending:

Transportation $170 + tolls

Accommodations $169

Food $138

Entertainment $177

Total $654 + tolls