Wednesday, April 07, 2021

Quality Time, Then Deep Conversations


Running a consulting firm means a big part of my job is bringing in business.  Which means I spent a lot of hours networking, since people hire people they know and trust, so I need to be out there being known and being trusted.  

When I train my co-workers on business development, or on networking in general, I always tell them, "when there's a business opportunity with someone, you should've previously had some contact with them, or else your chances of getting that opportunity diminish significantly."  What I mean by that is, how often have you been approached by a consultant in "sales mode"?  Who wants to do business with someone whose only contact with you is when they're trying to sell you something?  If, rather, a business opportunity arises, and you think of someone because you've had lots of previous contact with them - congratulating them on a good news story, asking about their family, checking on their wellbeing after a distressing incident - isn't that the sort of person you want to hire?  Someone who actually cares about you outside of being a name on a list of prospects they're trying to hit up?



I think this applies to parenthood too.  What do I mean?  As parents, there are so many deep and complex issues we need to address with our children in order to help them navigate the adult lives we're preparing them for.  Body issues, sexuality, relationships, race, getting a job, dealing with stress, dealing with a conflict, managing mental health issues...the list goes on and on and on.  But we must cover these things with our kids.  Or else we leave to chance where they will learn these things.  And I trust myself more than I trust the random places they might otherwise gain information.

But deep conversations must be preceded by quality time.  You can't waltz into your child's room and expect to immediately go deep with them.  They have to know they matter to you more than just conveying grown-up wisdom.  Which means spending quality time with them.  

Now, that quality time is often the best place to go deep.  A long walk, a road trip, a dinner out...these are great places to have meaningful conversations outside of the usual hustle and bustle of our daily routine.  But, sometimes quality time can just be quality time, without deep conversations but laying the foundation for when those deep conversations can happen later.  

It is an indictment of my busy schedule that quality time with my kids largely needs to be scheduled rather than happening organically.  Maybe someday my days won't be so full.  Until then, it is incumbent upon me to schedule those times.  We have many deep conversations to go.  Which means we have much quality time ahead of us to pave the way for them.

No comments: