Unbelievably, we find ourselves at the tail end of the year,
when end-of-year holidays start to bear down on us and we wonder where the year
went. As we usually do, the Huangs will be in California next month: SoCal from
December 24 to December 29, and Bay Area from December 29 to January 4. We look forward to being together, having fun, and seeing people and sights. If
anyone is around, it would be great to meet up with you!
Whether it’s Tiger Dads, Type-A personalities, or the career-driven, it can be easy to fall into a parenting vibe that puts a lot of pressure on kids. And, to be sure, pressure is a good thing. Pressure is what establishes that high expectations are better than low or no expectations. And pressure is what human beings will face out in the world, so feeling some from your own parents is a good way to prepare to stand on your own when you’re out of the nest.
But, obviously, pressure can have negative consequences. And, because of that, I think I’ve tried hard to intentionally throttle down. I truly don’t want my kids to “follow in my footsteps” unless they desire those things on their own; far more important to me is that they find what unique footsteps they want to take. And, I honestly couldn’t care less if they are rich and successful, so long as they are a contributing member of society and learn how to live within their means (whether those means are expansive or tight).
Kids today inherently face a lot of pressure. I’m sure my
kids feel a lot of pressure from me. I hope they will respond favorably to it
and chart their own courses to a life that they fully own and embrace. And I hope they learn to set their own expectations, give grace when they fall short of those expectations, and take pride when they meet or exceed them.
Although Jada is barely a mile away from home, going off to college has represented a major transition into adulthood. Setting her own schedule, making her own choices, navigating the day-to-day...all of this is different than when you are under your parents' roof.
Sophomore year has been another step towards the grown-up life. Drexel has a great co-operative learning program whereby, in the course of five years, you take on three six-month internships, so in addition to getting your college degree you graduate with a year and a half of real-world work experience. While she is also taking one class, the main thing in her schedule for the first part of this school year is going to work (at Jefferson, downtown). Welcome to the grind, Jerds!
Also, she has gone from living in a dorm to living in an apartment, albeit an on-campus one. The freshman year experience is one of a kind, not in the least because you are going through it with all the other newbies. And usually frosh dorms provide all kinds of formal and informal activities to make things fun and provide necessary supports. Conversely, apartment living is more like life after college, living with roommates but largely each person having their own schedule.
Importantly, since Jada is at work during the day, she's no longer on dining plan. Which, for as much as students love to complain about cafeteria food, they quickly realize how easy life is when all you have to do is show up at a buffet three times a day.
Groceries have been in the news a lot lately, as our presidential candidates tap into people's pain around the rising cost of milk, bread, and eggs. Jada is feeling a similar kind of pain, having to think about what groceries to get, how to pay for them, and what to do with them when she brings them back to her place.
Amy and I have helped, of course, getting her some things during our own grocery runs, and giving her tips on easy things to make that are healthy. But part of the slog Jada is going through is par for the course. I remember my own baptism into figuring out how to feed myself. I look back fondly on the dumb things I did at the grocery store and in the kitchen.
Eventually, we all learn. So will Jada. It is happening now. Wish her luck!
Asher has struggled with school for a variety of reasons. His special needs took us some time to get a handle on and continue to represent extra hurdles in his studies. And he never once stepped foot in class or met his teacher kindergarten year, taking away that important socialization to how a classroom works (and then 1st grade, his first in person, was chopped up by quarantines).
He’s responded well to the true saints at his school who have provided academic and behavioral supports. And Amy has been far more patient than I have in supporting him as he slogs through his school homework. So we see the progress every day, even if we also see how far behind he is from where we hoped he’d be.
Fourth grade has proven to be a big step up. It’s not the first year he’s had homework. But it seems like a crucial transition year towards him owning the educational experience. He’s increasingly expected to keep track of his own assignments. He has to log into Google Classroom to view and submit many of those assignments. And the amount and difficulty of those assignments has noticeably amped up.
Amy and I are trying desperately to keep up, even as we’re
grappling with how much to support and how much to hang back and make him take
responsibility. Let’s hope we can all look back on fourth grade as one in which
Asher made a ton of progress in reading, writing, and math, as well as in
establishing lifelong habits for being a good student.
Juggling a demanding job and many domestic responsibilities, it is important to have one's own leisure pursuits. Everyone beyond the worst alcoholics readily acknowledge this. But making room for those pursuits is far easier said than done.
Granted, some people's hobbies don't involve a 4+ hour jaunt through nature while hitting little white balls with different size metal sticks, let alone the 20- to 60-minute one-way commute to get to said places. So perhaps a less time-ambitious activity would be easier to squeeze into a crammed schedule.
Still, I've made peace with the fact that it is acceptable that, amid my obligations to family and office, I make time once a week for a round of golf, and usually find a bonus round some other time in the month so call it five or six times a month that I'm able to indulge in my hobby. All well and good, but it still requires literally making time. My schedule was packed to the gills pre-golf, so where do these 6-hour time windows come from? Especially when I really try to keep my phone in my pocket so that I am as unplugged as possible during that time.
For my weekly fix, Friday mornings are carved out for getting 18 holes in. That often means a late night on Thursday to tend to work things, which if I didn't handle the evening before would wait until at least Friday afternoon, and in many cases that is an unacceptably long delay. Speaking of Friday afternoon, that time of the work week, a popular one for folks to socialize about or individually make weekend plans, is usually a hectic one for me, squeezing in any meetings that couldn't land elsewhere in the week, catching up to what I missed for the first half of Friday while I was on the golf course, and trying to meet the invariable cluster of multiple end-of-week deadlines on my plate.
My pre-round time can be equally hectic. No matter how early the tee time (and I like as early as possible), I've usually dealt with emails, social, gym, and groceries beforehand. Plus, to balance Amy handling kid drop-off, I also have to take care of putting away last night's dishes, setting up Asher's breakfast, and packing his lunch.
Three or four times a year, I had been in the habit of taking the train to a nearby city, leisurely reading a book along the way, and biking around to my heart's content upon arrival. No plans, no meet-ups. Just me being in total control of where to go and what to do for the day. What a nice break from the go-go-go of toggling between work and home responsibilities.
Since I picked up golf, I usually drive, since it's hard to get to a course with your bag without a car. But those personal days still pick back up on my past routine, stashing my car in a convenient location and navigating the rest of the city via bicycle.
Alas, time does not expand to accommodate these personal days. So the same prep applies. A late night the day before so nothing is in limbo for too long. An early morning rise to get to the course for the earliest tee time possible even if I'm driving two or three hours, and so I can finish my day in time to be home for family dinner or at least by Asher's bedtime.
There'll come a time in my life when golf doesn't need to be squeezed in. The kids will eventually leave the nest (so I've heard). I may reach the age when I no longer have to work, or at least grind it out like I do now. I often come in contact with folks on the golf course in this stage of their lives. They look supremely relaxed and happy. I try to join them in that state of mind, at least for 18 holes, even if I can't live it up like that before and after. It's good practice for what I hope to achieve some day soon.
Our new Orlando unit has rented well so far this year. Closing on the place in early summer and then having to quickly tend to some enhancements (some big, mostly small) put us behind the eight-ball in terms of getting the place booked up, but my in-town unit manager Michelle has been extraordinary in her speed, attentiveness, and keen eye. Summer can be busy in Orlando, and thanks to Michelle we had very high occupancy.
As we are squarely in a deader season and looking ahead to families starting to look at 2025 trips, I want to document a few positive characteristics I've heard so far from folks who have stayed at our place and were kind enough to leave glowing reviews (including friends of mine who I asked to train a critical eye and spare no complaint):
* I'm glad Michelle convinced me to bring in her assistant who handles decor ideas, as the subtle enhancements of bedding and color scheme have been noticed by our guests.
* Folks love that the place is a close commute to everything you want to do in Orlando, namely the Disney attractions and other theme parks. I even had Eagles fans capitalize on the fact that Davenport, where the unit is located, is barely an hour to Tampa, so they were able to catch the Birds against the Bucs in Week 4. (They were happy with the lodging but not with the game.)
* There were also a lot of rave reviews about the property itself. Any good Orlando vacation is full of going to places but also leaves room for quieter and closer activities, and the resort our unit is in is full of them: lake, multiple pools, restaurant, tennis courts, basketball, spray park.
I will try to get out there twice in 2025, once with the whole family and once to host my first annual golf weekend. I truly can't wait! I will not divulge how many of my current waking hours are spent daydreaming about this, but I will acknowledge it is a lot.
One fun thing I am looking forward to, which is different from all our other properties, is that it is decidedly a very suburban and car-oriented environment. A selling point for all our other places, which we got not only for revenue potential but personal enjoyment, was walkability. The Delaware waterfront in Philadelphia, the Adams Morgan neighborhood in Washington DC, ocean block in Ocean City NJ, and bay side in Miami Beach are all places where you don't need a car and can still easily get to restaurants, grocery stores, shopping, and scenic views.
This resort is one large gated community, so big that I think we may need to drive to stuff within the grounds. It is near impossible to get anywhere from the place to anything else. I joke with my kids that when we are there, we will be cosplaying as suburbanites, driving to the grocery store and movie theater and take-out restaurant. Not our usual or preferred way to roll, but fun to think about how it will provide a change of place.
In closing, I would be remiss if I didn't provide links to where you can book your own magical vacation. You will not be disappointed in the place or in Michelle's responsiveness.
AirBnB https://bit.ly/4eCfWlH
VRBO https://t.vrbo.io/aS9f0O9fbNb
Nineteen years ago today we were handed a little girl to take care of as our daughter. She is now more adult than kid, always our Jerds and ever making that moment a special one for our family. Happy Gotcha Day!
