Navigating Non-Diverse Spaces

 

Through a combination of big life choices and dumb luck, our family is privy to lots of diversity in social spaces. Which we value and are grateful for, for many reasons. 

In parenting a Black child, as an Asian-American person (me) and white person (Amy), intentionality is important. We want to make sure Asher has access to diverse settings, including spaces where he is with other Black children and adults, and we’re glad that it’s not hard for us to have access to those spaces in our community and social network. 

There are, of course, some spaces we put Asher in that are not diverse. Here too we must exercise some intentionality. Because such spaces, unfortunately, often lack not only diversity but consistent conversations about diversity. Specifically, families that are aware of race and may even purport to be “allies,” yet skirt or altogether avoid tough topics that are relevant to kids like Asher. And, as a result, Asher can find himself in situations where people are ignorant, clumsy, or outright mean. 

I cannot say I fully grasp how difficult it is to move through the world as a young Black boy in America. But I do know that I do not want for Asher, or for any other young Black boy, to be confronted with racially loaded language, reinforcement of racial stereotypes, and racially explicit teasing. 

There are certainly outright racist people, households, and communities. We do not generally interact with them. Here I am talking about well-educated, well-meaning, and otherwise “progressive” folk, who have chosen not to do the work with themselves and their children on what is racially appropriate and supportive, who as a result create a hostile environment for Asher and others. 

The intentionality we as his parents must exercise, then, is to prepare him beforehand, debrief with him afterward, or alternatively make choices to not circulate in such spaces. Which I cannot say we always do right or well. But we are trying. And I ask others who want to be allies to also try. Which means leaning into conversations that may feel hard to broach but are necessary to work through. For Asher and for others like him, I ask this of you.