Getting Ready for the Real World

Asher's behavioral issues, while details have been spared, are well documented in this space. I think the thing that I have been worrying about of late is whether he will learn to rein in his bad behaviors in settings in which those around him don't know how to help him in that direction.

What do I mean? Well, whether it is us at home or his helpers at school, we know the sweet Asher and we've also had to deal with the salty Asher. And we know that in order to get salty back to sweet, we have to hold our ground and not give him the reaction his behaviors are intended to provoke.

I will not speak for others, but only for myself. I have long learned to keep a flat affect and a persistent tone when drawing the line with Asher. If I need him to pick up Legos or get ready to leave the house or turn off the TV, I have resolved to stick with that in the midst of his protests, even though those protests can get quite volcanic. Because I know that if I either give in, or get angry back, I've created an opening for him to get what he wants instead of what I need him to do.

All well and good, and eventually it does get resolved, even if I am completely wiped out after. And, most of the people who look out for Asher at school (and at other places where he regularly goes, like say the local Y) are similarly oriented that perseverance and non-reaction are the path to steering him in the right way.

But it is unfair for someone who's never met Asher to hold the line in the same way. A normal person should not be expected to get punched in the stomach or be flipped off or cursed at, and simply respond with no change in facial expression. So that's how things can escalate, and as Asher gets older the stakes get higher, in ways that it is not hard for my worried parental mind to wander to. 

We have some really fantastic people at Asher's school who are coaching and cajoling and reprimanding and loving him towards a more mature response to situations where he doesn't get what he wants, has someone do something mean to him, or anything else that causes stress or anger. The village is hard at work to help Asher turn the corner, and I am praying he will do so in time.