Friday, September 15, 2023

The Conversation Before the Conversation




Of all the tough but necessary conversations that parents have to have with their kids as they grow up, Black boys require at least a couple of additional ones, according to friends I've asked. One is around the n-word. The other is around aspects of staying safe that other kids may not have to worry about as they get bigger. 

This is bigger than the police, although that is certainly an aspect of it. I recently had with Asher what I will call "the conversation before the conversation," in which I explained to Asher that in a few short years he and I would need to have a talk about how to carry himself in certain situations in order to stay safe. It is heartbreaking to think that with this little dude who loves his toy guns, I'm going to blink and the next thing you know it he may be in a situation where someone feels threatened by him because of his size and skin color, or because they mistake his toy gun for a real one. Which is a dreadful thought.

In the present day, this is hard for Asher to fathom. He's wondering how anyone could mistake a brightly colored Nerf gun for the real thing, and probably also how a grown-up, especially a trained police officer, would think a little boy like Asher was a danger to them. I didn't want to press so I left it at there were things he would need to do to make sure he remained safe, and I said we'll revisit this later. 

 Alas, I know "later" will come sooner. Dear God, please protect Asher and all the other Ashers out there. And help me and all the parents to know how to love our kids through the process of learning how to carry themselves in a manner that keeps them from unnecessary harm.

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