Affirmation

 

Parenting, for all its trials and tribulations, can be so very rewarding. One might say it is the responsibility of a lifetime, something that I can truly affirm has been life-changing for my sense of self and identity and purpose.

But. If you need instant and constant affirmation that you're doing a good job, you're in for quite a roller coaster. 

Who doesn't like instant and constant affirmation? You do something hard, it feels good to know right then and there that it was worth doing. You do something hard for a long time, it feels good to know along the way that you're on the right track.

Parenting? Ha! My three are in different stages of life - 17, 15, and 7 - and they're all good kids. But none of them can, or should, in the moment be called on to say, "hey dad, thanks!" If anything, they're all at points in their development - all completely normal - where they chafe and push back and eye-roll at everything I do to parent them. Joy.

There are many days as a parent that are just a blur. But I will say that there are many days where I feel a great sense of clarity about what I need to do, and that no matter how hard or awkward or time consuming, I ought to do it. And I do it. And I feel good about it. 

But. I do not receive any sort of confirmation in the moment. As noted, usually I receive the opposite: groans, side-eye, lashing out. And again, completely normal.

They say that eventually the kids "get it." Maybe when they're older and more mature. Maybe when they become parents themselves. That's a long time to wait! If it happens at all: in some cases, you try to do right, but nothing gets through. 

It may seem unnatural to do something with all your heart, as a labor of love, and receive nothing in return, in the moment, or even ever. Such is parenting some days. Be encouraged if you are here, as I am encouraged in this space by so many nice people whose nice words help sustain me. Parenting truly is the greatest and hardest job in the world.