We're giving Asher the good life, of this there is no doubt. He is loved, doted on, and prayed over, and has every material thing he needs to thrive. But there is something he lacks. He will not grow up with black parents. Or, to be more specific, he will not grow up with parents who know what it's like to grow up black in this country, and who therefore would have deep insights that would help Asher navigate his own journey.
Amy and I will do our best to shore that up, by making deliberate choices concerning the places we go, the people we spend time with, the content we absorb, and the topics we cover. But it will not be the same, and Asher will miss that.
A dear friend of mine reminded me that that loss for him is offset in part by what he is gaining from being in the family that he is in. He will not grow up in a black family. But he will grow up in a family that includes an inter-racial marriage, Asian big siblings, and multiple adoptions.
Particularly in our modern society, there is no such thing as "normal." Pretty much everyone has in their childhood certain things that represent losses and certain things that represent gains. We are no different. It is a helpful reminder for us as parents, to acknowledge both losses and gains, and to do what we can to do right by our kids so that they acknowledge them too.
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