Huang Family Newsletter, February 2014

 The first half of the month was a bit of a blur: Lee was crazy busy at work and then proceeded to get very sick, Amy and Jada were also laid out for a few days, and every other day seemed to bring massive amounts of snowfall.  The second half of the month was kinder: everyone recovered their health, work slowed down to a manageable level, and Jada hosted her very first sleepover to celebrate her birthday. 

First Sleepover

Today is Jada's birthday but this past weekend was her friend birthday party.  And it was a sleepover, her first as the host.  And we survived.


Jada's request was dinner in Chinatown, so after her friends had arrived, we took the bus downtown and made our way to her favorite restaurant.  We were to hit the Gallery and Five Below on the way back to our bus stop but the place was closed so we just headed home, had birthday cake, and watched a movie.

At about 10, I sent Aaron to his bedroom, confiscated all the food and electronic devices, and told the girls the night was all theirs so long as they kept it relatively quiet.  And, with the exception of a light reminder at around 2 in the morning, we didn't have any interaction with them until breakfast.

Breakfast was fun.  Amy made French toast, pancakes, and bacon, and Aaron and the girls scarfed down everything in sight while dishing on their overnight activities, school news, and favorite commercials.  One by one, parents arrived to take their daughters home, and by the late morning, Jada was all alone again, to marvel at all her gifts and to set to the task of cleaning up the mess that her room had become.

It was a good time had by all.  We feel blessed that Jada has such good friends and we marvel that we can watch our happy little girl grow up before our eyes.  That said, I'm glad it'll be someone else's turn to host the next time she and the girls have a sleepover birthday party and that we have another year to go until it comes back to us.

The Sting of a Bad Grade, Part 2

It turns out Jada wasn't the only Huang kid to get their first C on a report card this month.  The snow prevented our parent-teacher conference with Aaron's teacher, but the next week we got his report card in their take-home "pony," and it was all A's except for a C in writing.  I really wish we could've kept that conference so I could hear more about where that C was coming from and how we can work with Aaron on writing.  Until then, I will be stepping up the writing assignments I give him on the weekends and seeing how he responds. 

The Sting of a Bad Grade

Jada's parent-teacher conference was yesterday.  Right there, smack dab in the middle of her report card for the second marking period, was a big fat "C," in math, along with B's in reading and writing, and A's elsewhere.  Her bad quizzes were in three-digit addition, which I'd been giving Jada for almost a year, so I chalked up her low score to a combination of carelessness, confusion over the school's way of doing carrying, and lack of motivation.  Amy and I decided her "C" warranted neither rewards to motivate better work next time nor punishments or threats if she didn't improve.  Rather, we resolved to spend more time with her on math, both during the week for her homework and during the weekend when we give her extra problems. 

When I picked the kids up later that day, I quietly and privately told Jada about her grades.  She reacted to the "C" as if I'd stabbed her in the heart, first with shock and then denial and then tears.  "I've never gotten a 'C' before," was her answer when I asked her why she was sad.  We agreed that she wasn't so bad at math, and we also agreed that she could use some extra help from me, so it was nice we were on the same page on that. 

When we got home, she was still feeling raw, so I hugged her some more and told her how proud I was that she cared enough that a bad grade hurt.  I also told her that it wasn't all bad to do bad, because it reminds us that there are things we're not good at so that we know where we need to work harder to get better.  I told her I didn't get any C's in elementary school, junior high, or high school, but then I got 4 at Penn, and each was a rude but necessary awakening for me.  And I told her I shared her interest in seeing her math grade improve by next marking period, and was glad we would have something to work on together. 

All of this, plus a long hug and talk with Amy (who is far better at hugging and long talks than I) seemed to put Jada back right.  The sting of a bad grade hurts, but if we respond right, it's a good hurt.

Eager Readers

Being an introvert, reading is one of life's joys: curled up in bed at the end of another crazy day, nose in a book, I can feel my body and mind replenish.  Amy is the same way.  Our kids are much more extroverted, but we're happy to see they are acquiring a love of reading for pleasure too.  Monthly, we let them pick something out of the Scholastic Book Club catalog - remember those? - and when those new books arrive it's like Christmas all over again in our household: the kids blitz through their chores, ask for their new arrivals, and then dig in until they have to be pried away for dinner or bedtime.  This is a good sign.

Good Behavior

I spent most of yesterday whimpering on the couch, leveled by yet another bug and lapsing in and out of sleep.  After lunch, Jada and I were both reading, but whereas I was reading for leisure (and to get sleepy enough to fall asleep again), she was reading because she's supposed to - 30 minutes a day, before which no screen time and no electronics. 

Next thing I know, I am awaking from a sneak-attack nap - didn't know that I had fallen asleep, temporarily didn't know where I was.  Jada was gone.  I was guessing she had cut her reading short so she could watch something on the computer or bop along her tunes on her mp3 player, but I was too tired to care and too sunk into the sofa to move.  If ever there was a weekend for her to cheat a little on her chores, this was it.

Instead, I heard her talking to Amy.  She had been writing in her prayer journal (another weekend chore of hers), and was heading down to the kitchen to do her science homework (something about fruits and seeds). 

Wow, without me breathing down her back she was still grinding through her to-do's dutifully before she got to the fun stuff.  I stopped her en route to tell her how proud I was of her for tending to the things she had to do before she did the things she wanted to do - an important trait I try to cultivate in both our kids. 

Who knows if this portends that when she's a teenager and has a chance to sneak out of the house or cut corners or lie to us, that she won't.  But so far, so good. 

In the Moment

It was Friday evening.  It had been a long week at work.  I was sick and tired and fried and beat.  Amy and I had just put the kids to bed and were settling into our usual Friday evening routine of watching TV and catching up when a call came from upstairs: "Daddy, our night light is broken." 

Somehow, I was able to yell three things simultaneously: "I'll deal with it in the morning," "Keep your door open and the hallway light on," and "Go to sleep."  At least in my mind, they happened all at once instead of one after the other.  At any rate, I didn't otherwise move an inch.  Amy went upstairs and dealt with the night light.

I regretted not helping but was too burnt out to try.  But it did remind me that Amy is much better than I am at dealing with life as it happens, rather than on the terms we would hope to set for it.  The kids know how much I do and sacrifice and give for them, so they obviously do not doubt that I am a loving father and that I care for them dearly.  But sometimes care means you get up off the couch and deal with something in the moment, and that's where Amy shines and I do not.  I am thankful for her.