Sunday, August 14, 2005

Living a Dream

Less than a year after Amy and I got married, she was diagnosed with thyroid cancer and had to have her entire thyroid removed. Though she was never in any real danger and while thyroid cancer is the tamest kind to get, still there were days when I feared the worst. Having just tied the knot, here I was faced with the possibility, even if it was remote, that I would lose my love. Those were hard days for me.

I remember the thing that caused me the most sadness in thinking about losing Amy was the thought of all of the happy days ahead that we would not get to enjoy. They say that when someone has a near-death experience, their life flashes before their eyes. Well in my case, that kind of happened, but it wasn’t my life as lived in the past but rather what I hoped for the future: her and I growing old together, celebrating each other’s successes, falling deeper and deeper in love with one another. And adding the joy of parenthood and of a little one or ones into all of the love we had for one another. Those were the images that were most vivid, the ones that brought me the most sadness thinking that we would not get to get to.

And so here we are, on the precipice of meeting our daughter, who we have already fallen for and who has already brought us so much joy and strengthened our love for one another. And I often find myself thinking: Here is a moment that had flashed before my eyes a few years ago. I so wanted a moment like this. And it crushed me to think I might not get it. But here I am, in that moment. How wonderful!

I am so thankful to God. For He has answered so many prayers of mine and of people who care for me. Prayers for things that I desperately wanted but in the back of my mind held loosely, for fear that if I wanted them too much but didn’t get them, that I would be devastated. Prayers for my wife’s health, and for our deepening love, and for a baby.

And God has heard all these prayers and answered in abundance. Not because I deserve it – I certainly don’t feel I have – but because He is good. It’s because of the character of God to be for His people – that’s why, I believe, today I am living a dream.

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