Entitled

I forget in which book Malcolm Gladwell makes this point, but “entitled” doesn’t need to be a negative when it comes to kids.  Indeed, part of what is tragic about kids suffering from poverty is that they don’t feel they’re entitled to anything, when in fact we should be letting them know they deserve so much more.  Gladwell spoke of kids from upwardly mobile families having an expectation that they would be able to access many things, and therefore asserting themselves based on that assumption.  To be sure, you can do so in a rude way, which is why “entitled” is usually seen as a negative; no one wants their kid to be a jerk.   But we do want our kids, at least in this culture, to be assertive about advocating for themselves and their needs and aspirations, and to do so from a place of expecting that they should be able to ask for if not access these things.

Which brings us to my youngest little entitled person.  Asher can have such a sweet and magnetic personality.  In social settings, I observe that he interacts comfortably and endearingly with everyone from kids smaller than him to grown adults.  “Charming” has been used to describe him on more than one occasion.  And between his innate charisma, curiosity, and assertiveness, he has been known to ask or even demand certain privileges that other kids wouldn’t think to want let alone lobby for.  These are innocent things, like commandeering the lap of the storytime reader amidst a sea of kids, or buzzing himself out of Kid Watch instead of letting the worker hit the unlock button. 

When I’m not stifling a grin or rolling my eyes, I genuinely wonder what Amy and I should do as parents. It’s not good to let Asher think he can get whatever he wants just because he asks.  We certainly don’t like when being told no sends him into the sort of epic tantrum that we are working through with him with extra help.  But we also don’t want to cage that magic quality he has to command a presence and advocate for what he wants.  Our parenting style rejects the attitude that “our Junior is so special that we never say no to him and we hate when others say no to him.”  But we also know that, unlike the two of us shy kids who have grown up and become shy adults, Asher is a force of personality who has the potential to use that God-given gift in powerful ways. 

We love that dude and want what’s best for him.  Who knows what that means?  At the very least, we have front row seats to watch a special guy blossom into a unique individual who is sure to make an impact on his world.