All Together Now

The tricky part about our kids having such a big gap in ages (4, 12, 14) is that it’s hard to find activities that work for all of us.  But I think it’s also a matter of preferences and choices.  “Preferences” in that we are generally more independent and less social creatures.  And “choices” in that sometimes you just have to decide that you’re going to do something together and to heck with individual preferences.

I can’t underscore just how little time we spend all together the five of us.  Our morning and weekend schedules are not at all synchronized in terms of wake-up times and activities.  We go to church together but then end up in age-segregated sub-groups for much of the time there.  During the week, one or more of us is out during the dinner hour every single day.  Even on the weekend, “dinnertime” is a loose concept, both in time (there is no defined start or end) and in being present (one or more devices is usually out).  And even on family vacations, age differences usually mean dividing and conquering, in terms of schedules and activities: one of us takes the older kids and one Asher, or the olders do their own thing, etc.

We choose this, in that we prefer it, otherwise it would be different.  But we should just as readily choose to be together and be present, and we should.  I once asked a friend who has even more kids and an even bigger age range (six between the ages of 4 and 20), and he said, “you just do it, and then the expectation isn’t about what I want or what you want but rather that we’re going to do this thing together.”  That’s a good word, that I’m now realizing we need to actively choose into, to combat our inherent preferences and the craziness of our schedules.