The Advantages of Raising Kids in an Urban Setting

 

It is quite normal and usually celebrated when parents choose to trade in their kid-free urban existences and raise their families in the suburbs. Common reasons include better schools, fear of crime, and desire for more space. There is nothing inherently wrong with these choices and the reasoning behind them. 

One consequence of such a move is inevitably that kids end up growing up in a less diverse environment. American suburbs are almost by definition and purpose homogenous in socio-economic status, and unfortunately in this country that also means racially homogenous. 

Another consequence of such a move is that kids end up having a childhood that is more car-dependent. There are very few American suburbs (indeed, an embarrassingly small number of cities) where a car is not necessary for most life trips. Which has a number of economic, environmental, and societal implications, but one social consequence is that kids under the age of 16 are utterly dependent on their parents chauffeuring them around if they want to do anything. 

I don’t think that people who live in the suburbs are unaware of these consequences. But I think many have underappreciated just how impactful it is on their children’s upbringing. I’ll share a couple of anecdotes from last weekend to underscore how much I feel my kids have gained growing up in a city environment.

 I had just picked Asher up from a week of sleepaway camp and he was desperately missing the comforts of home. This included seeing his close friends, and as luck would have it one of them saw me barbecuing in the backyard and came over and asked if Asher was around. He and Asher ended up chowing down on hamburgers and watermelon, and then got the bright idea to set up a lemonade stand since it was a hot day (and, as 10-year-old boys, their desire for spending money is soaring). With minimal help from their parents, lemonade and signs were produced, a table set up, and business was brisk. It helped that neighbors were exceedingly generous in lining up as customers. But the ability to open this mini-storefront depended on pedestrian traffic, which was heavy even on a blazing hot day. No such possibility in a suburban environment in which people drive from Point A to Point B and cannot be interrupted mid-trip to have an interaction with and buy refreshments from two kids. 

When I went to check on the lemonade stand, which was four doors down from our house, I ran into my neighbor two doors down, who offered me a hearty congratulations to Aaron for his recent high school graduation, which I reciprocated to his son who had also just graduated from high school. In that moment, I realized these two boys had been in kindergarten together and now were seniors going off to college. I also realized that Aaron had had the good fortune of going to school with people from all walks of life – white, Black, Asian, Hispanic, professional class, working class, from Philly and not from Philly – and that his social experience and life perspective had been positively shaped by that diversity. 

Raising kids in an urban environment is not without its challenges. But it is replete with advantages for parents and children alike. I will note that our neighborhood is very special even among city neighborhoods, in terms of the density of amenities and diversity of households. But it is representative of a form that prioritizes diversity and non-car travel. And I think more people, when they become parents, should understand and value that.

Magic Report

 

Last week was my first time at our place in the Orlando area so I wanted to provide a bit of a dispatch on the experience. When we first closed on the unit, we extrapolated that it would do good numbers and that it would be a place we could enjoy ourselves. I'm happy to report that both are true so far. Recording some thoughts to document our own vacation, and if it influences you to consider booking our place for your memorable family getaway all the better!

1. First impressions are everything, and our first impression of the place came after a ghastly three-hour ride from the airport due to massive traffic delays throughout the region (it is normally about 45 minutes). Tired from the ordeal and thrown off our schedule, it was a delight to arrive to a clean and cutely decorated unit. Disney instrumental music was lilting from the TV, pillows and towels were presenting just so, and everything felt homey. We're off to a good start.

2. Three bedrooms and two bathrooms, with a spacious common area of kitchen, living room, and dining table, is perfect for a family of four to six, which means it's perfect for us. (I heard from my local realtor that the larger units, like 6+ bedrooms, are not selling or renting as well, which we both concluded had to do with the decline in multi-generational family parties getting their schedules synched up to vacation together.) There is far more closet space than anyone could possibly need while on vacation, and otherwise the unit is well proportioned in that it doesn't feel to cramped or too spread out. A balcony off the living room and a smaller one off the master helps if you want to have some private moments (or, in our case, let wet swimsuits and towels dry).

3. The property as a whole is also well proportioned. Each pod of buildings has its own pool area, so going for a swim is never too far away. The clubhouse pool proved to be Asher's favorite, as it is open later and tended to attract more kids for Asher to play with. Also popular was the spray park, especially for a summer vacation where midday temps broke through 100 and were never below 90. There's a nature trail that takes you around the two ponds on the premise and ends up at the lake, where you can find a restaurant, beach, and dock. (On our first visit out into the lake, we spotted an alligator!) 

4. Our own bookings and our observations while on site indicate that the resort caters to a very diverse population, which I'm very happy about. Clearly it is seen as an affordable, high-value family destination by households from all walks of life. What's funny is, way before we shopped for and bought this place, I had it in my notes from when Aaron and Jada were little that this would be a good place to stay if we ever did an Orlando vacation. I only learned this after we'd closed, which only confirmed that someone as frugal as me would like to spend a week there with his family.

5. The location is pretty good. Disney is less than 30 minutes away, and downtown and airport are about 45 minutes. Orlando is, of course, very auto-dependent, and this resort is a gated community where if you want to go anywhere you have to drive. Which is different for our family, which is used to ditching the car and walking everywhere (this is true of our other places in DC, Ocean City, and Miami Beach). I joked with my kids that Orlando would be where we would cosplay as suburbanites, but after that first drive where we were stuck on the highway it was not longer funny. Thankfully, that was an extreme outlier, and most of the rest of the trip we didn't hit much traffic.

6. Picking activities can be difficult when I want to go go go and the rest of the family are normal human beings who value rest and relaxation while on vacation. I think we generally got this right on this trip. I got to play two rounds of golf, the kids had lots of free time to enjoy the premises, and even the one bad weather day (thunderstorms all Thursday afternoon) worked in our favor as many of us clearly needed a nap by then. For a five-day vacation, we decided one theme park would be more than enough, and that Universal Studios was the right size for us, and I think that was all correct: Asher made it a lot longer than he usually does on a hot summer day, the ride lines were all reasonable (10-30 minutes), and the park size not being cavernous made everything manageable. 

This will not be our last Orlando vacation! Jada and Aaron were already scheming for when they could come back with their friends and without us, Amy and I will similarly hope for kid-free times here, and I'm hosting my first golf weekend with three close friends later this summer. The place is booking well so we are hitting our revenue numbers, and I'm glad for the option it represents for so much personal enjoyment as well. Not done daydreaming about future trips here, or shopping for additional places to buy!

Away from Home Again

 

My first extended time away from home (i.e. more than a weekend) was a week-long trip to Washington DC through school when I was 12. I recall, even in the midst of yukking it up with my close friends in our hotel room, also feeling terribly homesick to the point of tears. Admittedly, I was a sensitive child, but it goes to show you how hard it is to be away from home, with all that represents practically and metaphorically. 

Our kids have not seemed to have that problem. Jada and Aaron went to multiple weeks of summer sleepaway camp starting around age 8 or 9 and all through their teen years. And despite his special needs, Asher is now heading into his 4^th year of shipping off to sleepaway camp himself. 

Some of those weeks have been bumpy, including behavioral issues that have gotten him kicked out for the week. We’re hopeful that, being a year older and having familiarity with each of the places we’ve signed him up for, he’ll be fine and in fact have the time of his life making friends, being taken care of by amazing camp counselors, and enjoying the programming and nature that these places have to offer. 

I will admit that the benefit of sleepaway camp is twofold, for not only is it a learning experience for Asher but it also affords Amy and me a break from having to organize our entire lives around Asher’s schedule and needs. So if all goes well, everyone will win! Praying for this to be so.

 

 

Happy Father's Day to All the Dads Out There

 

If you're a dad, I want to take a moment to wish you a Happy Father's Day. Be celebrated today, be grateful for the opportunity you have to be a dad, and let all that strengthen your resolve to be the best father you can be. 

Happy Gotcha Day to Aaron

 

 

18 years ago today Aaron arrived in Philadelphia via Taiwan and has been keeping us on our toes since. Happy Gotcha Day Aaron and we're proud to journey with you!

A Magic Kingdom Awaits

 

Later this month, I’m taking the family to our place in the Orlando area. Amy’s already been, with her friend, earlier this year, and we’ve made the place available to friends and family since we bought it about a year ago. But I personally have never been, not even when scoping it out and buying it in the first place, as I did a video tour thanks to my amazing local realtor. 

I’m excited to enjoy the place for the first time, as everyone’s said how great of a unit it is but I want to see for myself. Plus, it represents so many happy things for me, like having a place where the family can get away and relax together (in the unit and at the many amenities available on the property), as well as serve as a home base for lots of fun throughout the region (theme parks, golf, nature).

If you follow me on social media, be prepared for lots of photos and commentary! Looking forward to having the time of my life, now and for many more trips to come!

Going Off to College

 

For the longest time, Jada had her heart set on going to the West Coast for school. I braced myself for the logistical challenge of moving her in: plane tickets, buying stuff, where to store it over the summer. Then of course she ended up literally down the street, at Drexel University, where she has had a great college experience, and her mother and I have enjoyed seeing her often and not having to worry about the extra difficulties of her being far from home. 

Fast forward to the present, and we are getting ready to ship Aaron off to the great state of Kansas, where he will attend Kansas State University in the fall. And so begins the monumental task of coordinating travel plans, figuring out where to get winter clothes, and navigating a campus and town I’ve never been to (come to think of it, I’ve never even been to Kansas in my life either). 

Of course, I was a sheltered suburban California teenager when I shipped off to Penn and Philadelphia some 34 years ago, and I did alright. I had a severe learning curve to navigate a city setting, overall life survival skills, and a rigorous academic setting. If anything, 18-year-old Aaron is far more ready than I was at the same age. He knows how to cook and do laundry, and I didn’t; he has long navigated a big city on his own, whereas I was driven everywhere and then stumbled around in my own car with only a rudimentary sense of how to get places and where things were in relation to other things. 

Such is the college experience, truly, not just diving into a field of study to prepare yourself for your future career, but making the multi-year transition from kid living at home to adult launching out into the world. As I observe graduation ceremonies around here, I realize I will blink and Jada and Aaron (and then Asher) will be walking across the stage and into the beginning of real adulthood. Whether they stay close to home or are a long plane ride away, it’s their journey and I’m thankful to be along for the ride.