Love

 

Invariably, any conversation I have with a fellow parent leads to the expression of the following sentiment: "This is not for the weak of heart." It's because parenting represents absorbing the combination of all that can go wrong, in the sphere of our lives that we feel most deeply about.

I feel like society is noticeably moving towards an all-encompassing pressure to distract or numb oneself from the sharp pains of the real-world problems of real people. Entertainment options have never been more plentiful or higher quality. Social media platforms offer an endless menu of content in all shapes and sizes, especially bite-sized nuggets to make us laugh or think or rage. Even much of our interaction with the important political, social, and human issues of the day feels more like sport or entertainment than education or advocacy, what with all the biting memes and partisan one-upmanship.

Parenting has a way of bringing us back to reality. Sure, there are many times we want to escape with a kid-free getaway, a weekend afternoon on the golf course, or even a brief daydream over a morning coffee. But the escapes are the exception, whereas the actual engagements are the norm. And those engagements mean carrying the weight of heavy things, like academic struggles or illnesses that won't go away or special behavioral needs. 

I have not yet used the word "love" in this post, but that is the sentiment that makes everything so complicated and yet worth it. I suppose that we can love the things we distract ourselves with. I can love a TV show I'm watching; I can love the game of golf; I can love the feeling of leisure travel. 

But it feels like a different love when we talk about parenting our kids. Sure, it's the family connection that literally bonds us. But I think it's also all the hardship and heartache. We don't love deeply in spite of those challenges. We love deeply because those challenges grew that deep love in us. 

If you are not a parent and have chosen that life, I salute you for constructing a life direction that will satisfy and enrich you. And I'm sure there is much in that life you have made that you can truly say you love deeply. If you are not yet a parent and are contemplating it or about to become one, I can say this: it will be the hardest thing you will ever do, and it will hurt, deeply at times. And all of that is a part of a love that you will never regret giving yourself to.