Degree of Difficulty

 

"Degree of difficulty" is a concept you see at the Olympics, where an athlete gets more points for attempting a routine that is harder, say in gymnastics or diving. This makes sense in some sports competitions: in such cases, we want to reward the best performance, so sticking a really difficult move is more impressive than really sticking a less difficult move.

But, it doesn't make sense in other sports competitions. If two teams play, and your team's star quarterback is injured, and you valiantly keep the game close but lose by a few points, you may have earned a moral victory but you are not rewarded an actual victory because you still lost the game.

Being a working parent is a constant realization that life is like the latter more than the former. Sure, you may receive sympathy, rightfully so, when you do your best in the midst of hardship. Gutting through the morning presentation at work after spending all night cleaning up your child's vomit is commendable. Making space to help your child through a rough spot after a punishing day at work is something worth patting yourself on the back for.

Nevertheless, life does not often grade on a curve, or to stick with my original metaphor give you a boost for a high degree of difficulty. While there is more awareness and therefore more sympathy in the work world of work-life balance, at least in my line of business my clients expect my "A" game when they've hired me, and it is of no relevance if my nerves are frayed from a bumpy morning with the kids. 

And, it is helpful for kids to know that while they are the most important thing in the lives of us parents, they are not the only thing in our lives. So there will be times, understandably, when the work-life balance equation doesn't work in their favor, in that you can't make their game because you have to work late. We need not beat ourselves up for not measuring up to some unrealistic standard in which we are independently wealth and have infinite energy to always be there for our kids. But we do need to acknowledge that when we get slammed in one part of our lives (e.g. a business trip, an unexpected work deadline), it can have negative consequences in another part of our lives (e.g. being absent or otherwise not having 100 percent to give when our kids might need it).

This all may sound harsh but sometimes life is harsh. All the more to be nice to ourselves and others, to acknowledge that life sometimes does not give you a bonus for degree of difficulty so you just have to do your best and be ok with your best not measuring up.