The Kids Are Not Alright

 

Parenting is such a fraught thing, least of all because you go from bearing the responsibility of keeping a little human being alive when they are little, to bearing the worry of not being able to safeguard their wellbeing when they are older. I joke, but there is a poignancy in the statement, that the exact moment your kid is no longer utterly dependent on you for survival, you graduate not into freedom but into the constant fear that your kid is now making decisions for themselves, including the possibility of bringing harm to themselves or others. And we know the pre-teen and teen brain is not fully formed until well into one’s 20’s. So that is a long amount of time where your kids are just out there, in a scary and unforgiving world, their bodies coursing with hormones and their minds not yet anchored by decades of experience.

I lament in this space about Asher, and for sure he has special needs and extra challenges that place a lot of weight on my and Amy’s shoulders. But we also have two teens under our roof. And while they’re good kids, they’re also just kids, just starting to navigate the world and their own aspirations and feelings, so it is natural they are going to make mistakes and struggle and hit the wall.

And, like everyone else, they’ve had to endure two years and counting of a terrifying global pandemic and all of the chaos that currently exists in the world. Kids are resilient, and we should never underestimate that or them. But, c’mon…we have stretched everyone well beyond their breaking point. If your kid has sailed through, congratulations. For most of the rest of us, it’s been jagged at best, and more of a dumpster fire more often than we would’ve otherwise anticipated.

It is bittersweet, mostly bitter, to hear when other friends of mine tell me their kids are struggling. We’re not alone, nor are the kids. It is still in my DNA to bark at my kids and set the bar high and not water down my expectations (or the expectations they should have for themselves). But I am also trying to give myself, and my kids, and other parents, a significant amount of grace and kindness. We could all use some, because none of us are alright right now.