It's Great to Raise Kids in an Urban Setting

I was recently asked by a friend of a friend of mine, who is moving to my neighborhood from a suburban Sun Belt state, how manageable it is to raise kids in an urban setting
It made for good conversation, and led me afterwards to want to pick up on this post I had written last year on how much more mobility my adolescent kids have than I did growing up in suburban California.  (Which, they will soon realize how wonderful it is to be able to go where they want to without us, and we are already reveling in having to worry about far less schlepping than if they were dependent on us to get everywhere.)


Before I could start musing, though, I found this wonderful post that summarizes a sermon by Tim Keller, lead pastor at Redeemer Presbyterian Church.  Not that my situation mirrors these points exactly; in fact, let me react to each of the pros and cons Pastor Keller lays out (Keller's points are in italics and my commentary follows):

Disadvantages

1. Cities are expensive.  Here Keller is surely thinking of his own New York City and other high-rent urban centers like San Francisco and Boston.  But there are tons of cities of all different sizes that are immensely affordable, especially when you factor in the lower transportation costs associated with owning far fewer cars.  Although, depending on the education situation (see #3 below), private school may be part of the equation where it wouldn't be in the suburbs.

2. The logistical challenges on the “front nine.”  Keller agrees with my post that multi-modal options in a city make things easier when the kids are older.  Although I'll argue that things aren't bad for when they're younger either.  Sure, it's easier to drive everywhere, but it's also more costly (for your budget and for the environment).  And when weather makes driving dangerous or snarls traffic to a standstill, we can still get around on foot or with transit.

3. The educational landscape is more difficult to navigate.  It is true that parents with means feel they have tough choices when their kids reach school age.  Stay put in a not-so-great school?  Move to a better catchment?  Pay for private school?  Go to the suburbs?  It's admittedly not as cut-and-dried as in the suburbs.  Yet, given many of the advantages listed below, one must consider what you are looking for in an educational experience, and it could very well be that where you can best find that is in urban setting.

Advantages

1. Children grow up believing that they live in the real world.  For better or worse, the city is perceived to have "real" issues, although I'd argue those same issues exist in the suburbs, albeit perhaps more covered up.  If you consider your goal as a parent to prepare your kids for the real world, this is truly an important advantage. 

2. Children grow up believing that their parents live in the real world, and that their faith works there.Also hugely important.  Man, the conversations you can have at the dinner table, without even trying hard, which help kids see how faith works in the real world.  

3. Children grow up with more confidence, independence and self-reliance.  Related to my other post, taking responsibility to get to school and to your extra-curriculars seems like better for your development than getting driven everywhere.

4. Children grow up handling diversity well.  Keller makes a good point that kids can struggle when they get to college and are exposed to people and viewpoints that are different, and that city parents have the advantage of helping their kids through this because it happens so much earlier.  By the way, this is really important in terms of faith, that being a faithful person can look a lot of different ways.  (Practically, and by no means the most important thing but worth noting: there is no one way to worship God.  Different musical styles, body postures, and types of songs are all good.)

5. The family is pushed closer together.  I'm not sure I agree this is always true.  Sometimes, the preponderance of resources in a city means that families do less together because everyone can do their own thing and have their own circle of friends.  Again, it's hard to generalize here, but you can imagine a suburban family that has a smaller and closer knit group of people it socializes with (together), whereas a city family's relationships are more voluminous and more diffuse.

6. Teenagers grow up with Christian role models.  Not sure I necessarily agree with this one either.  I suppose that it is more likely that urban teens will rub elbows with urban young adults living out their faith in the real world.  But it also seems more likely that a suburban church will have a youth ministry team of faithful young adults who can have a profound impact on the teens they are spending time with.

7. Children face real life issues significantly earlier than their suburban peers. Related to #4 above, the real world is not in the paper or on TV, but being discussed and lived out in real time.  Which, for a parent, how much less scary it is to be able to go through that with your kids while they're under your roof, rather than wondering how they'll do when they're at college and on their own for the first time.

8. Children face far less pressure to conform.  Related to #4 (#4 seems like an important point now, huh?), seeing a wide range of people thriving can be really helpful for kids to not feel that who they are is something they have to hide or change.