Not being able to go through with the Memphis adoption still hurts, but while we continue to grieve we are also beginning to look ahead. Coming so close clarified for us that we do want a baby and that we have room in our home and hearts for one. (And, we are increasingly seeing how having a little sister will be good for Asher, who is squarely in his terrible two's and needs to know the world doesn't revolve around him!)
Among other sources, Amy took to online articles to make sense of moving on from a failed adoption. A preponderance of writers warned expectant mothers not to think of the baby as theirs until it was actually true. Which may be practical advice, but in mind seems too guarded an approach to love. Isn't love, by definition, something that involves exposing yourself to being hurt and even shattered?
We got a nice note from the agency we are using to match with potential birthmothers, and it ended with a sentiment that we are trying to own more and more with each passing day, which is that there is purpose in every delay in adoption. Or, as Amy puts it, there is a baby out there who needs us, and while we hoped it was going to be that baby in Memphis, evidently it is not and so we are to wait. So we are waiting, and loving, with purpose.