Saturday, February 21, 2009

News Flash: Tantrums Down 20 Percent


(Lee walks confidently to the podium, straightens his papers, and clears his throat. Amy stands proudly to his side, smiling.)

“Thank you for coming out for this week’s Huang Family press conference. I have a brief statement and then will take questions. Many of you are aware of Aaron’s legendary tantrums. We are happy to report that such incidents have dropped significantly in frequency and in magnitude. While there are still flare-ups, we have been pleased with the progress we’ve made in the past two weeks. That is all we have to report at this time; we can now take questions from the floor.”

(Hands shoot up and flash bulbs go off.)

“Lee, hi – Adam Burns from USA Today. What do you attribute this decrease in tantrums to?”

“Thank you for that question, Adam. We’re thankful to Aaron’s special instructor, Maria, who has given us some important tools for improving communication lines with Aaron. Notably, because transitions were often a time when tantrums were particularly acute, a picture schedule that she has created for us has given Aaron some assurance of what’s next. Yes, you in the back?”

“Lee, hi – Carla Davenport, Parenting Magazine. We know that the kitchen was a particular battleground. Can you give us more details there?”

“Good question, Carla. Aaron used to shriek when, after telling me what he wanted to breakfast, I would dare to walk across the room and get it for him, instead of being able to have it magically and instantly materialize in my hands. Apparently, waiting two seconds for me to get it from the opposite counter was simply too arduous for him; and then, once he got going, he was too upset to receive it, even after I had brought it to him. But with persistence, we’ve gotten him to the point where he is able to wait, even in cases that involve heating something up in the microwave for 20 seconds. This is nothing short of a complete turn-around in our kitchen time.”

(Some commotion towards the front of the briefing room as one report worms his way to the front.)

“Excuse me Lee, this question is actually for Amy. This is Edgar Fishman from CNN. Amy, can you describe your relationship with Aaron at this juncture?”

(Lee backs away from the podium and Amy steps forward, adjusting the microphone.)

“Better. He can still be frustrating, but we’ve definitely had more times with giggling and cuddling. We have a long way to go with the little guy, but we’re all a little relieved that the tantrums are down. I want to thank my husband, and Maria our special instructor, as well as my parents for helping out when they can. Finally, I’d like to thank the Lord Jesus Christ – trust me when I say we pray for patience a lot.”

(Lee returns to the podium, giving Amy an assuring pat on the shoulder.)

“That’s all the time we have for now. We’ll be back in this same room tomorrow morning, to go over our new sibling rivalry policy talking points. Thank you and good day.”
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