Tortured

(With apologies to those who are personally invested in the subject of
torture, please enjoy this satire.)

We are being tortured. Our torturer has moved in with us. He demands
that we carry him at all times. He will often emit a piercing, shrill
scream designed to break us down. He will vomit and pee on us. And
worst of all, he will wake us at random intervals throughout the
night, never letting us get totally settled into sleep.

And we love him. Happy Fathers' Day to all the guys out there who
faithfully and gladly put up with their little torturers.