Monday, March 05, 2007

How We Really, Really Feel

Amy and I have been incredibly busy of late. Her part-time job has
turned out to be full-time and then some. I'm trying desperately not
to work longer hours even though I am now working on 17 studies
simultaneously, and I'm trying equally desperately not to work shorter
hours even though I'm juggling more and more domestic
responsibilities.

And the thought that Aaron was imminently on his way was, while
exciting, also a little daunting. Where was the time going to come
from to acclimate ourselves to a baby and his sleep schedule and his
many needs, let alone making sure Jada got her fair share of our
attention and love? I found myself joking to my friends a lot that
while I ache to meet my son, God is making it a lot easier to be
patient about when he'll arrive, seeing as how that arrival date will
mark the beginning of my life and schedule becoming really crazy.

Tonight, per my mom's request, I called the government agency in
Taiwan that is processing our adoption request. I found out from the
representative there that there are basically three more steps in the
process, but that two of those steps take about two months each. In
other words, we're looking at finalizing this in July. Not March,
like we thought, or April at the latest. But three or four or more
months from now.

I repeated back what I heard to make sure I got it right, thanked the
person for her help, and then hung up the phone. Then, I went to the
next room over and repeated it to Amy. We looked at each other and
realized that for all the craziness that has been our lives the last
month or so, for all the craziness that dropping a baby boy into that
craziness would bring, that we still really, really wanted to meet our
son sooner rather than later.

We still believe in the inscrutability of God's timing and provision.
Perhaps now was too much for us to think of welcoming a baby into our
family. Perhaps we should have known that these things tend to take
longer than we think, and set our expectations more realistically
rather than hoping for a quick turnaround. Perhaps this time of
waiting, nerve-wracking and emotionally arduous as it has been, will
serve the greater purpose of refining our character and strengthening
our faith. All I know is that finding out we have to wait longer
brought to the surface how we really, really feel: that we want to
meet our son and begin our life with him.

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