Diversity is celebrated in this country and in our city, but we often experience far less of it than we would like to admit. Most of us want to be seen as open-minded, welcoming, and cosmopolitan, and yet if we really examine our social circles we realize they are quite homogenous. It takes real effort to truly interact with people different from us, even on a shallow level to say nothing of more substantive engagement.
Amy and I have made big life choices, first in choosing each other and then in adopting three kids, that have afforded us the experience of racial and ethnic diversity, in that white and Black and Asian are represented within our nuclear family. Yet still rubbing elbows or going deep with the full gamut of humanity represented in our city, our country, and our generation often takes hard work or serendipity, or it doesn't happen at all.
After all, "diversity" isn't just things like race/ethnicity, gender, age, and sexual orientation, although those categorizations represent a spectrum of life perspectives that are important to accept and honor. Diversity in life perspectives also comes from things like what type of community we live in (urban or rural), how much money we came from (affluent or indigent), and whether disabilities or trauma have created physical or mental barriers that need to be navigated. And it can be harder to have access to interactions with others different from us in these ways, and these interactions can be complicated and depleting to take on if we are truly being willing to understand and absorb these differences.
Here I must admit that, while I see the benefits of a diverse social network and desire to make choices to access it, I also acknowledge that when we are blessed enough to have it in our lives, it is wonderful but also challenging. For example:
* My family of origin as well as my high school friend set was extremely Asian, while in my present life Asians are somewhat under-represented (save of course for the fact that 3/5ths of our household is Asian!), and while I have been blessed immeasurably from relationships with non-Asians I do sometimes wish I had stronger ties to my home culture. There have been, for example, many times I was the only non-white person in the room or the only non-Black person in the room; indeed, I work hard to seek out such opportunities because they are enriching and informative, but it can also be hard to navigate when everyone except you is the same.
* I'm glad for, but it can be bewildering at times, that I often zig-zag between groups of enormous socio-economic difference, from being privy to places like my immediate neighborhood and my Penn groups where many people (and their kids) have multiple Ivy League degrees and are quite affluent, as well as places where everyone is of extremely limited means (nearby public spaces, the emergency room at our local children's hospital). I'm thankful to have had opportunities to be both the most affluent and well-educated in a group as well as the least affluent and well-educated in a group, but I am not immune to the pride and envy that can come along with such stark differences.
* I'm thankful to have had strong relationships with Christians in college that continue to the present day, as well as strong relationships with people devout in other faiths as well as casual agnostics as well as vehemently anti-religion atheists, and I love having that spiritual plurality in my life, but it takes real and intentional work to both cultivate to your own beliefs while making space to be respectful of and inquisitive about others'. Going out of one's spiritual comfort zone is truly good for the soul, whether being sharpened by the godly example of those far more serious in the faith or grappling with how different divine perspectives relate to your own, but it does involve at least a temporary loss of comfort.
* We haven't even broached differences that are much harder for me to access, given that I live in a big city and don't often travel to rural areas to interact with people who have different perspectives and interests than I do. But when the opportunity affords itself, I do try to put in the work to be inquisitive and affirming, even if I don't otherwise have any reference point for things like hunting or the military or NASCAR. Even within my own city, I don't know what it's like to grow up poor or of another ethnic background or from a different era with its cultural touchstones and entertainment options, but I'm willing to listen and learn, even if there are days I long to be with others who are more like me in all of these ways.
I don't consider these reasons to not put in the work to access and celebrate diversity. But nor do I accept that desire for and enjoyment of diversity is easy, for it requires that we have intention to seek it out and imposes burdens that one must choose to bear. Is it worth it? Absolutely, wouldn't trade it for the world. But it is a trade, because it involves forgoing the comfort and ease of being among others like you, for the joyous yet not always easy work of being with, accepting, and truly listening to others not like you.
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