Sometimes You Just Have to Do It

 

 

I’m pleased to make time for golf as a hobby that allows me to have fun amid my demanding responsibilities as an economic consultant and a family man. But, taking several hours out of every week for this pastime is not without cost. So, practically, on Friday mornings when I snag an early morning tee time so as to get back into the office in time to do a day’s worth of work before the weekend begins, I’m also racing through other pressing to-do’s. Playing partners for whom an 8am tee time is early for them are astounded to hear that not only did I get to the course early to stretch, but I also did a full workout (run and lift), house chores, time-sensitive desk work, and grocery run. 

Needless to say, I do this with severe haste. So even a small hiccup can create a big problem in staying on schedule. For example, for a while my grocery store was still closed many minutes later than their stated 6am open because security hadn’t shown up yet, leaving me and the other early birds cursing the employees for not setting their alarms and management for allowing such tardiness to become a pattern. 

Earlier this month, though, the grocery store delay had nothing to do with the grocery store. Instead, when I hopped in the car, after an overnight rain, and turned the wipers on to clean off the windshield, one of the wipers flew right off its arm. I made it safely to the store a few minutes later, and decided to figure out how to snap the wiper back on before going into the store. Not being very mechanically inclined, and it being pitch dark, I fumbled around with great frustration for a full 10 minutes before successfully performing the task. Thankfully I was able to figure it out in the end, and 10 minutes isn’t much of a delay, and that morning I had enough buffer that it didn’t adversely affect my ability to get to the course on time. But it was still quite frustrating to take on an unexpected task, do poorly at it, and have my tight timeline thrown akilter by it all. 

What I didn’t have the luxury of was to throw in the towel and leave the task undone. I was certainly tempted to complain that it wasn’t fair that I’d carefully planned my morning and this was throwing things off, to lament that this wasn’t a task I was particularly good at, that it was dark out, and why did the wiper have to fall off in the first place anyway since it wasn't my fault that that had happened. No, sometimes you just have to suck it up and do it. And, you have to do it without anyone helping you, or consoling you that it sucks you have to do it, or congratulating you on a good job after you’re done. 

I subject you to this long account of a mundane event because it is indicative of a parenting philosophy that is important to what I want my kids to understand as they prepare to go out into the world as fully formed adults. In a sense, what it means to be an adult is that there is no one tasked with bailing you out when there’s a task you don’t want to or just plain forget to do. I will admit that my mom picked up my dirty laundry and washed my dirty dishes for longer than was probably helpful for the kid version of me; it took until I was 16 and they all went on vacation while I stayed home for summer league basketball to realize that if I left a dirty dish in the sink and a dirty shirt on the floor in the morning, I would return in the evening and those items would still be there. But, however long it took for me to learn that lesson, I did learn it, and I learned it by having to deal with the fact that the task needed to be done and I hadn't done it so it was left to be done. 

We are lucky that we live in relative material comfort. We want our kids to have a deep sense of fairness rather than be fatalistic, and to express frustration rather than stifle it. We want them to feel celebrated when they do a good job and comforted when they do something hard. However, in life sometimes the wiper flies off your car and you just have to figure out how to pop it back on. It doesn’t matter that that’s not fair, or anticipated, or something we’re good at, or that there’s no one around to cheer us on. It doesn't matter that the problem was not of our doing, and that not only were we not at fault but there is no one to blame or otherwise seek out to make it right. We just have to do it ourselves. Sounds harsh, but sometimes life is.

But I Want It

 

It’s a tale as old as time, one told with a mix of lament and pride. One generation is poor because everyone is poor. They work hard and make something of themselves, but their kids remember the scarcity they came from and live accordingly. Then they move to a new country, and scrape and claw to make a better life for their kids including a higher education. Those kids have all the privileges of an upper middle class existence, but their upbringing is one of thrift and caution. Their kids, on the other hand, are further removed from deprivation. They grow up in a prosperous era and are saturated with the ubiquitous social media messaging of showy abundance. Their parents’ scolding about frugality and budgeting often falls on deaf ears because it feels so distant from their actual lived experience. And they’re not all wrong: they and their parents can truly afford to live better than those who preceded them, so while it’s not good to be profligate neither is there any honor in being a miser when you don’t have to be. 

Aaron and Jada, both in college, are in a multi-year transition period from “living at home and Dad pays for everything” to “being on my own and I have to pay my own bills.” Such is the journey from childhood to adulthood, which comes with many perks but also includes having to make rent, buy groceries, pay for phone and utilities, and so on. 

Both our older kids have had jobs, so they know what it’s like to make money and they certainly have a lot of experience spending money. Full adulthood, of course, is quite different from when you’re 16 and have a summer job and make a couple hundred bucks in a week and it feels like a million dollars because you can buy clothes and go out to eat with friends. Grown-ups can obviously buy clothes and go out to eat with friends too, but in a sense those are “nice to have’s” that are secondary to the primary obligations of housing/utilities, transportation, and groceries. 

I am in the habit of polling my friends with young adult children how they’re doing in the lifelong challenge of living within their means. “Are your kids doing ok at adjusting their outflow to be no more than their inflow” is a wonky way I phrase the inquiry. I’ve received a diversity of responses, from grim head-shaking to beaming pride, befitting that some in this generation simply have no financial discipline while others understand the important notions of scarcity and saving. 

One friend described his child’s status in a funny way. They understood, intellectually, that if they had money, and then spent it, they no longer had the money, and so the next thing they wanted to spend money on they would have to wait until they had money again. “But dad,” they would say to him in a confused tone of voice, “I don't understand, because the thing is, I want it.” As if the want must necessarily be satisfied, so how is it possible that it couldn't be?

“Wants” can feel strong enough to evoke bewilderment that one can’t therefore automatically and immediately have it. Past generations would not have any trouble understanding that simply wanting something does not then give you the means to get it. But current generations can be excused, drenched in a culture of rampant consumerism and instant gratification, for having their antennae crossed when it comes to wanting something and having to forgo or delay or save up for it. Such is where my older kids, and many others in their era, are.

Sleep? On It!

 

I read a great book over the break on the importance of sleep to our physical and mental health, “Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams,” by Matthew Walker. I give intellectual assent to the need to get good shuteye every night, and as I get older my body certainly tells me when I’ve cheated it in the zzz’s department. But this book, both through the science and the prose, really reinforced for me why sleep is so necessary for our optimal functioning, and therefore why prioritizing it yields such a good return on investment. 

So my New Year’s resolution for 2026 is to get more and better sleep. And, like any New Year’s resolution, the temptation lurks to fall off before the calendar even turns to February. So, for my own documentation and to trigger the accountability of putting a statement out into the universe, here’s my plan for achieving that goal: 

* Buy a new watch that tracks quantity and quality of sleep

* Get into bed earlier rather than puttering around or looking up random stuff on the Internet

* Pre-bedtime routine of stretching and breathing so I’m easing my way from being alert and awake to being sleepy and asleep

* No doomscrolling before bed or in the middle of the night if I get up to pee

Of course, best plans yada yada yada. Work, kids, noisy neighbors, and unexpected stressors constantly lurk. But no need to be defeatist. I have a goal. I have a plan. I can control those things, so I will do those things. Who’s with me? Zzz…

Happy Birthday to Aaron

 

It's this handsome fella's 19th birthday today! We celebrate you Aaron!

Travel Log: California, December 2025

 

Today is a new feature on this blog, which is to record some high-level info on family travel. This is partly for my own documentation and also a service to others. Please note that these details are peculiar to our situations and preferences so may not be transferable to you. 

Destination: California 

Date: December 20-31, 2025

Party: 5

Itinerary:

Sa 20 fly to SAN, get rental car, get groceries, check into Airbnb in Old Town

Su 21 San Diego Zoo

M 22 golf at Chula Vista Muni, Seaport Village / City Cruises

T 23 golf at Carlton Oaks, La Jolla / UCSD / Birch Aquarium

W 24 Mission Boardwalk / Sea World

Th 25 fly to SFO, see dad/sis

F 26 Alviso County Park, golf at Moffett Field, lunch w/friend in Fremont

Sa 27 brunch w/friends in Los Altos, Westgate Mall

Su 28 SJ Flea Market / SJ Rose Garden, lunch w/dad and sis

M 29 SJ golf at Bay View, Treasure Island / Presidio Tunnel Tops / Green Apple Books

T 30 Old Fisherman’s Wharf / Cannery Row / Pacific Grove

W 31 fly to PHL

Spending:

Transportation $5,973

Accommodations $4,217

Food $1,340

Entertainment $876

Total $12,406

Happy Birthday to Me

 

Welcome 2026